quotidienne: coffee + toast 4:7

ok
so i'm posting this kinda late
i went out of the house
the bank was a ghost town
i wasn't 100% sure they were open
their website said they were
but
it didn't mention drive thru only
which i knew was a thing
so
i had to just go and see
they were
then i drove around a little bit

there are a lot on cars on the street
and westheimer is all torn up
i did not know they were working on it
and i would not have driven on it
if i had realized it was so very
under construction
maybe they are using this
down-time to re-pave roads
that honestly really do need it
while there are many fewer people on the street
idk

then
there was the press conference
and then
i was trying to find out
about the whole unemployment thing
it doesn't make any sense

as far as i can tell
they aren't actually saying that i'm qualified
as such
but if i am
then there doesn't seem to be any extra money
for the stimulous package
but that might just be because it hasn't come through yet
anyway
it says request payment
but

a) i think it's too soon
b) the amount is really small
if i request this does that set my clock
and/or funds
c) like should i wait
d) or does waiting fuck it up

i searched and searched
and i can't find anything that gives me a clue
and maybe i have to request funds today
but i think i just couldn't do it before today
but again, not sure
if i want to call and maybe talk to a person
who might or might not know the answer
and might or might not be right about what they know
i can call
between 1pm and 5pm on thursday
as my area code begins with 2


i feel like my entire day was lost
or wasted
and
i wish i didn't have to deal with the government at all
but
on the plus side
i am expected to prove
i applied for 0 jobs
so at least
i'm not required to prove
i applied for a bunch of jobs that don't exist


i'm really
unhappy about all this


i'm sorry i couldn't write
i was dealing with that shit

and my mother
who i have been texting
or calling
every day
is continuing to offer news
and advise
that is way out of date

like maybe she just wants info
but doesn't want to ask for it
idk
but today i was a little on edge
and it was hard to just be like
oh thank you
which is the angle i've been trying to take

she's not seeing my face
she doesn't need to know she's
irritating me

like
for example
she says:  khou.com says they have info how to file online for unemployment benefits.  They say online should only take 7 minutes, but the phones are overloaded and nearly impossible to get through.

right, so, does she really think that i need that specific info
we talked about my filing for unemployment like
two weeks ago
surely she doesn't think that i couldn't figure out
how to do that, does she?

i mean
i admit it never occurred to me to look up the news website
not would it have occurred to me that i could do it on the phone
i went to the google
said:  how do i file for unemployment in texas
it took me to the website
i read the tutorial
i came back at the time it said it was likely to be
untraffic-y enough to get through
because it was not getting through
and when i went back
it worked

when she's texting me this
i'm reading the entire texas unemployment handbook
that they sent to me in my secret mailbox
and
also
reading all the faq on the website
trying to find out the answer to my question
which
of course wasn't there
because it's happening on the ground
they don't have info about it written yet


i imagine she wanted to know
if i had filed yet
but didn't want to ask me that
so she texted me some rando information
tangentially related
and if i said oh yeah thanks
maybe she would figure i hadn't
and maybe she would have decided that she had saved my life
or maybe she would have yelled at me for ruining it
for not filing before the 10 million other people
idk
so
what i said was:  it took me longer than 7 minutes
and yes the site is clogged a lot


anyway
i may call my state representative tomorrow
i doubt she knows the answer to my question
but she's all putting it out there that she's here to help
so idk
i might

i may not be able to watch live in thursday

i called the i.r.s. one time
i only had to wait for and hour and a half on hold
so, who can say

*sigh*