nite chat: 4:19 [part 1]

so
i feel like i should make something clear
although i would not consider myself
like a strict utilitarian or anything
the reason i say that i probably have a moral imperative
to kill the horse to save the people
is a largely utilitarian argument
and
i do still remember utilitarianism

i re-read those articles
and they were much less interesting than i remember them being
i remember being blown away by philosophy
in that
i was pretty much uniformly told
that my problem was that i think too much
and here were people telling me
no, you don't think enough

i read the google car one
and that was like an ethics walk by
it really only reminded you that an ethics algorithm
was like a thing

i'm saying that i wouldn't kick the horse to death
but, if you showed me a bunch of pictures
or let me talk to the political prisoners
i might kill the horse
in a way that was not pain or fear inducing to it
i'm not sure
i feel confident
there are some animals i might kill given that circumstance

i am
in other words
not taking a straight-forward animal rights stance
i have a confusing
and, i'm just going to say up front
not consistent philosophy about animal rights

i'm not a philosopher
and i don't demand of myself that i maintain a perfectly consistent
philosophy about, well, much at all

i generally have allowed my psychology to fuck that up
i think that people do a lot of what they do
based on unconscious or emotional or instinctual
"lizard brain"  "monkey brain" reasons
and then use the "big brain" to write the justification

which is kind of why i said
use whichever reason you like
on the horse thing
i'm not doing it
and i can make whatever case i want
but
to some extent that will be dependent on
factors other than anything i might say
i realize that that's a little oblique
and
i'm not saying it's not important to make cogent arguments
i just don't 100% believe that anyone
knows all the motivations for their actions

and this is an understanding i have come to
at least in part
since i have left university
although i will say that emotion and motivation
was one of my favorite classes
and i never took abnormal psych
which is crazy
that's the one everyone want s to take
i took (let's see if i can remember)
intro to psych
human sexuality
social psych
research methods in psych
psych of personality
cognitive psych
child development
emotion and motivation
the individual in society (psych/poli sci knowledge integration)
i'm pretty sure i took something
called something like
i can't remember what it was called
something like normal psychology
like healthy person psychology
with like the hierarchy of needs
and self actualization and that stuff
but
since i can't remember the name of it
it's possible that i'm conflating
personality and motivation
but
i was pretty sure i had 30 hours
not sure
it was a while ago