nite chat: 4:8

so
within the last few days
i went looking through an old purse
i'm not sure what i was looking for
i just thought i should look through it
red flag

when i looked through the purse
what i found
was the business card
for the crematorium
we were recommended
when bob died
red flag

shit, i thought
i really hope you aren't showing me this
because i'm gonna need it for something
but
that's how things usually work
when i was a first getting this kind of message
i wasn't seeing them on my own
so i would get big red circles drawn around things
now
now it tends to be more subtle
like oh for some reason
i suddenly have a need to look through this old purse
although that makes no kind of sense in context
oh shit oh shit

but then i promptly forgot about it


so today my mom texts me
how long has it been since you drove your car
and i had as it happens
driven my car today
to a mexican restaurant a couple blocks away
to get chips and queso
and
as it turns out
margaritas

now
i'm not sure if this was safe or not
i heated the chips and queso up
in new containers
158 degrees was the temperature
that my cdc search said would kill the virus
also
supposedly no one has contracted it
from food
idk if i believe that
i hadn't been counting on being able to get margaritas
in the drive thru
i just added extra ice and tequila
so
i'm not saying i'm without sin
ok
i'm just being clear about that up front

how long, i ask her, has it been since you drove your car
sunday, she says

and where did you go sunday, i ask

whole foods during senior hour with bandana mask and gloves
she says

now
she fucking promised me she was not going to do that any more
she fucking promised me

i think the mask protects people from you
i don't think it really protects you from the other people

i didn't get near anyone

i have no response to her


i mean
i get it
she's going stir crazy
she wants to get out

and my first thought
which i said out loud was
i cannot keep this bitch alive

but now
i'm remembering
i was just told to look for the crematorium card
so
i'm freakin out a little bit
not gonna lie