poem: [bad voice in my head is not respectful] 4:28

i think
i'm not sure
that i should maybe not
have the spirit guide stuff mixed in
with the grackle stuff
maybe i should
maybe
maybe i'm having a bad day
and i'm rethinking everything from a bad day angle
and maybe
maybe i'm not the right person
or not up to the task
idk
i seem to have
overnight
almost talked myself out of my ability to write any of it
maybe i need a monday strategy

when i was 17
i thought i was going to be an activist
i didn't
i mean i really didn't
and that's ok
but
now i feel very silly with my spirit guide story
when the country's on fire

idk
i'm gonna have to spend some amount of time
on the phone tomorrow
and
if there's no money coming
i'm gonna have to get serious
about doing something to earn money
not just sit around and play

but
maybe
what i should do as well
is set aside [in fact you know to do this
you stupid cow] time specifically
to write
and then just write what writes

not
letters to the beloved
not poems for poetry month
write the fuckin book
if you got a book
and if you don't
then just shut up