nite chat: 4:20

this has been another scattered mind day for me
i've been locked on social media
but
even that has been hard to absorb
it's funny
because monday has seemed to be a very
like "monday" sort of day
since i haven't been going to work
but for the last couple of years at work
monday was a day that i didn't have a lot of time
but i had a pretty good list of things that i had to accomplish
so i had to really be on my game
so
it's not like i'm used to monday being
this kind of ho hum whatever
still hung over from the weekend
kind of slacker day
not at all

i had to wear a bra
for like the third time this month
i haven't worn makeup at all
but my skin is still almost cleared up
 it's quite disheartening
i mean, it's not that it looks so bad
it's just that i want it to be clear
and healed and not a pain in the ass
that's all
i just want my skin
not this bullshit hormonal skin
but
it's really not that bad
i shouldn't complain
but
i probably will
i should do a mask

i feel like something's coming
i could be wrong
i've had several things that seemed like they were coming
that just shriveled on the vine

but
my brain keeps whispering
grackles grackles grackles
at me
so maybe it's ready to go back to that
or maybe it has a new idea related to that
idk
just don't try to push me
because that makes me not want to do it
i don't know why
but
i've always had that problem

i just has a little piece of skin kinda hangin on
by my cuticle, it seemed quite loose
so i was just gonna pull it off
and it pulled a long line of skin off the front of my middle finger
it's quite painful, and i'm not quite sure how
i could have so misread the situation
ouch
i really thought i was competent for that level maneuver

also
i think the only band-aids are the natural-y
bio-degradable ones that won't stay on
and are completely useless
but i'm gonna go see, right now
be right back

yeah
that's not going to stay on
there's just something really weak about the adhesive
but whatever
i'll try to be gentle with it
it's mostly so i don't scratch it or pick at it
also so the salve will stay on
and nothing get's in it
but i'm not so worried about getting something in it


it was weird to see a car with people in it
when i was on the stoop yesterday evening
it pulled down the street
crossed at the light
stopped
and some girls got out
like they were looking for a party
going to a party
idk
it was like something i recognized
but don't even see much around here
under normal circumstances
which these aren't

there was a protest
i think it was yesterday
i saw it on social media
and it said:  do better texas
and i'm all like where is that
i don't recognize that place
it was at the capital building
you'd think i'd recognize that
but i'm not sure i've ever looked at footage
of my state capital
i mean, surely i have
but maybe i haven't

i mean texas has thousands of miles
filled with almost nobody, there's no way
no possible way that there aren't gonna be a few
stupid people protesting
i mean
the funeral pyre guy is an office holder


i feel unsettled


i'm just gonna try to write the poem now