I felt really good when I got up this afternoon
But now I feel like I want to cry
And I'm not sure if that's just because of the human interactions I've had today
Or if something else is going on with me
But it hasn't been that long
how did I go from feeling like I had made some sort of psychological breakthrough
To feeling like I now had to be afraid for my life
S*** sucks this sucks
And I feel like I have an interacted enough with you today that you're going to be feeling neglected
And it wasn't my intention to do that
I also don't know how what I did took up all day
Amounts not that uncommon of an occurrence now but it's starting to kind of worry me
I mean was I with me all day
I talked to people
I made a barley stew
I was on social media a bunch
I was on Etsy for a long time looking at knives
Like chef's knives I don't need any more knives
But I was debating there's this knife maker guy that I like and I was debating well if I got this knife would that be a lot like the other knives if I got this knife would that be different than the other knives
And I don't need any knives
And I cannot afford to be buying stuff
I might need to have a drink
I just do not seem to be able to get my s*** together today I don't understand I was doing so good I woke up I was happy
I had a headache
But apparently that's just a thing
The weather is beautiful just beautiful it's cool there's breeze it's really nice but did I go for a walk I did not go for a walk what did I do
I don't know
and when I have a huge chunk of my day just disappear I say to myself I start saying things to myself like could you have some sort of multiple personality disorder
like is maybe another personality coming out and taking over your day and that's where you went
But I don't think that's accurate
I mean I wouldn't know I guess
And certainly I have different perspectives in my head but I don't think any of them are taken over and eating up my time
I think that's like maybe a paranoid neurotic kind of worry by someone who
Hell I don't know whatever the f*** I'm like
I was supposed to be happy all day damn it and I feel cheated
And it's not your fault
And I'm not trying to gripe at you I'm just talking
And normally I wouldn't tell you this kind of stuff but I'm trying to tell you my whole stream of consciousness now
So I don't know I think I'm going to have to compose more discipline and I really don't want to do that
And I don't really want to be drunk
What I really want is to be stoned
But that's not legal
And I don't have illegal access
so even if I wanted to break the law which I'm not saying I do
I could not
So tequila it is
