I'm gonna try to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

sprouts on goat cheese on rice cakes

HARVEST

i slept at least another eight hours

I had some long long dreams 

I was sleeping in the dirt

HAPPILY

I THOUGHT 

in the front yard

of a building I used to live in

THEN

some guy

came over and took a spot too close to me

couldn't SEE him -- couldn't assess him

didn't FEEL SAFE anymore

got up & walked to the door keys in hand

looking behind me

somewhat scared

DOOR didn't LOOK right 

I wasn't where I thought I was

I went to find someplace

SAFE

I ended up in an old diner

not like fancy FIXED UP

just old but funky

& I found myself in an odd corner

I need to get SOMEWHERE 

I think I was thinking of another place I had lived

a BUS came by

OH I thought 

I didn't know a bus came by here

I wonder HOW LONG until the next one

BUT 

in the way SOMETIMES if you are playing 

say city skylines 2, using anarchy because the

actual game works KINDA sh*TTYL and you want stuff to line up and fit

the bus phased right into the building 

& as it came by

I could just STEP ONTO the INSIDE of the BUS

I went through these beautiful 

LUSH areas that SEEMED 

TOO THICK with foilage to even pass through 

BUT 

I don't remember getting off the bus

I was in this WILD MCM media room

I was in an enormous leather chair

& there were TWO television sets

one on top of the other

LIKE 

thouse double ovens you sometimes saw

in fancy kitchens on cooking shows

& me and SOMEONE else 

we're going OVER and ANALYZING 

SOMETHING 

I can't quite remember 

HISTORICAL 

CULTURAL 

something 

THEN

I was talking to a couple of people 

I knew in the dream 

in some kind of 

GROUP 

but it also seemed like a game

& I kept trying to get information from them

& they were only answering me in these

VAGUE non-informational

SHORT answers 

& I'm LIKE 

WTF

are you not looking anything up 

NO, they said

we have to leave the stream for that

I'm LIKE 

YEAH I KNOW 

I'm leaving the stream every few minutes 

& it's a pain to get back in the flow

NOT JUST THAT

you don't GAIN COINS if you LEAVE the STREAM

I don't even know what you're talking about 

I SAY 

WHAT do COINS 

DO for you

that makes them

IMPORTANT ENOUGH 

to be worth

doing a crappy job at what we are

SUPPOSED to be DOING 

AND THEN

I'm in a house 

& I have something set up

in the idk

EXHAUST SYSTEM 

MAYBE 

it's hooked up to the

STOVE

for SURE 

BUT 

I THINK 

it runs through the HVAC as well

& SUDDENLY I look in this cabinet

& there is this LIKE 

WALL

of what looks like broken bits of

SALTINE CRACKERS 

being sucked up from SOMEWHERE 

I keep WANTING to take a picture of it 

because it is going UP

in a WAY 

that SEEMS 

CONTRARY to GRAVITY 

& there is SO MUCH of it

LIKE 

HOW could the SYSTEM 

EVEN FUNCTION

with all this 

CRAP

gumming up the 

WORKS

& then I woke up

with kd lang singing three days in my HEAD 

I stayed in bed a long time 

THINKING about the DREAMS 

& I may have even gone back in

BUT 

I FEEL like 

I FIGURED SOMETHING OUT 

I don't KNOW if it is ME

or the system 

or BOTH 

& my head does 

HURT

but I feel 

BETTER about EVERYTHING somehow 

it's a LOT of SLEEP though 

very small circle

OH

I forgot to SAY 

they had people zooming in 

for the meditation 

& there was this one woman

& she just seemed like

the most serene 

vibrantly beautiful woman ever

& it turns out

she's sort of

famous, I guess, although maybe not

SO MUCH -- currently 

she's a health & wellness guru

ani p from socal

it said

BUT 

I was just now thinking about it 

& looked her up

ani phyo 

I think is her name

she used to be a raw foodist

back when that was a thing

small world, huh

goodnight/good morning

I slept 

I woke up

I think I'll try to sleep 

a little bit more 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm trying to keep my vibration 

high so I help with the 

LIGHT timeline 

without crossing over

into some kind of 

TOXIC 

positivity 

my day so far

I talked to charley 

the self described long-term student 

who led the meditation 

& I talked to emily 

who described herself as staff

& gave me her email in case I ever need anything 

or have any questions 

I had to say something 

so I was talking about the level of anxiety 

about the state of the world and the 

attempt to track

HOW MUCH 

of that is

OBJECTIVELY WORSE

& how much was just my 

not paying proper attention before 

she understood what I was talking about 

& when I mentioned that it doesn't help

that news is specifically geared to

get that response 

& the CLICKS

& whatnot

she was LIKE, yeah, I don't even like the things I like anymore because of the level everyone seems to think you're supposed to take it to

and I understood that 

& I suppose part of the problem is 

TALKING about it 

doesn't 

DO 

MUCH 

and I'm reading about centers

in texas

where they are putting 

EIGHT year old

PREGNANT 

GIRLS

where

I'm wondering 

WHAT is the likelihood that they even make it out

ALIVE

am I SUPPOSED to meditate myself 

CALM from THAT 

or would a more appropriate response be

to f*CK sh*t up

BUT 

I'm not really in a state to f*CK sh*t up

I'm trying to put my 

OXYGEN MASK 

on FIRST 

BUT 

then I hear that black soldiers 

didn't even get the g.i. bill

& I'm LIKE 

f*CK

AM I 

part of 

the problem 

I'm exhausted and all I DID was meditate

for an HOUR 

talk to two people 

& stop at levant bbq

where I got a stuffed potato 

& shook hands with daniel the pit master

I guess I talked to him too

I watched a little news

looked for someplace else to go

because TODAY 

is going to be exciting 

BUT 

JUJITSU 

these people are 

I've been calling 'em

KEYSTONE n*zis

BUT 

that FEELS flippant NOW 

like keystone cops

I WANT

to take a nap

my HEAD hurts 

BUT 

I ALSO want to be the resistance TOO 

IS that

CRAZY 

it FEELS a little 

CRAZY 

I love you

check in

I went to the tibetan buddhist meditation thingy 

it was easier to find than things sometimes are & it was good 

I might need to do something else

to get the excitement in