one step beyond

good day sweetheart 

I'm going to try to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

good morning and good afternoon

I saw this video last night

I was looking for 

jimmy kimmel 

then I realized they just do week days

BUT 

then I saw one with sarah silverman

& suddenly I realized 

I'd seen it before 

it was something that went viral 

like seventeen years ago

& I don't think I even knew who jimmy kimmel was

& I didn't know who he was

when they were threatening to cancel him

I'm only watching him NOW because of THAT 

I THINK 

BUT 

I thought the sense of

just CRAZY in-joke

FUN

was so different from the world I feel like we are in now that it made me wonder how much of that is just ME post mental break (or whatever)

I don't want to be stressful 

I'm going through some

CHANGES

but I 

am UP to them, I think

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

more tarot thoughts

I was thinking about 

the moon

the sun

the star

I feel resistant to give them 

SYSTEMS

I'm not sure 

WHY

the moon could easily be 

the sub-conscious

or something 

the sun

could be something to do with happiness 

although that seems asymmetrical 

in a place that feels like it

WOULD BE

symmetrical 

the star is like -- hope/dreams for the future

THAT

FEELS 

personal

I feel weird about a system 

although it could be

of course

I KEEP wanting 

STRENGTH

to be an OCTOPUS -- maybe because eight

or I don't KNOW why

I don't think I can make a good case for it

I still KINDA want 

the foot and LEGO 

although I think the devil is about

being trapped in 

addiction 

or limiting beliefs 

not feeling in control maybe 

when you have a strong 

NEED to CONTROL 

the tower

I had some idea -- which I'm remembering as being really different somehow 

because of

the

PORTALS 

I can't remember 

I'm really not happy -- how did I not write it down 

the hanged man

I like to think

is a shamanic thing

BUT 

it's just as legitimately WAITING 

surrendering to a situation 

where you have limited

CONTROL 

maybe even seeing things from a new perspective 

I feel like I might not know the whole story 

on the hanged man 

sprouting idea

I LIKE sunflower sprouts 

& I just found this 

RECIPE for

CRACKERS made from LENTILS 

& if those are good 

I could do a goat cheese

topped with sunflower sprouts 

& it would be SUPER healthy 

NOW

I'm not great at growing things

I'm CONFIDENT I CAN 

grow radish sprouts 

I'm pretty sure I 

have the jar

sunflower sprouts are a little trickier

probably not that tricky 

I've always thought 

it was too much trouble 

BUT 

I've got this WHOLE fantasy 

about living off grid -- growing my own food

I decided 

it would be a really useful thing 

it have a steady supply of 

sunflower sprouts 

& if I can do that 

it has a bunch of benefits 

& is a baby step to the growing your own food

supplies cannot be found reliably

unless it's at a farmer's market 

& those have multiplied

over the years 

there are three or four that are close-ish to me

I haven't been to any since at least 

pre-pandemic

BUT 

even if they were available 

at adventuresome

LOCATION 

GROW 

how am I not good with plants

sprouts have directions -- rinse twice a day

FOOD 

goodnight sweetheart

HEY

I don't know 

whether I'm CRAZY or sane

& I don't know 

HOW 

MUCH of what I think I know is a projection

BUT I am standing HERE 

LISTENING 

to the

RAIN

& I

FEEL you MOVE through me

additional thoughts

I had got myself distracted 

MAYBE 

with alligators

the IDEA of

being comfortable 

with alligators 

just out in a boat

FISHING 

and

the bridge 

and

key largo 

for some reason 

although 

it doesn't seem like the right geography 

for some reason 

still

streaming consciousness

I hear thunder

maybe 

it will rain

again

I was ALSO thinking 

if you were gonna tie each card

to some system

or whatever 

WHAT about judgement 

I feel like I don't have 

or didn't HAVE 

NOW

maybe I DO have 

it's tied to the concept 

of the bodies popping up at the trumpet call

THAT 

ALWAYS really turned me OFF 

& the meaning never would 

really STICK

BUT 

it's about 

the PHOENIX energy 

NEW

SO

then HOW is that DIFFERENT from the ENSO

BECAUSE 

ya STILL got the WORLD

& MAYBE 

it's back to the gnostic IDEA of remembering 

I contain the DIVINE SPARK 

BUT 

what SYSTEM does THAT -- oh wait, I SEE

you're bringing this up 

BECAUSE 

you think it ties into 

the IDEA I said 

I LIKED -- for something, when I had it, so now?

CIRCUS GNOSIS 

I don't KNOW I'm not sure HOW it fits

it doesn't SOUND great

if ya say it aloud

I DO LIKE 

the way it looks

MAYBE 

it just reminds us of 

IF I RAN the CIRCUS -- for sure it's a little that

BUT 

is there a system that takes you through 

a kind of de-programming

is that necessarily a 

SPIRITUAL process -- I WANT to say it is

if you go to a tony robbins seminar & get inspired are you any less feeling the spark

I'm not sure 

OR

is it NOT a PROCESS specifically NOT 

is it the

JUMP

THAT SEEMS RIGHT 

it's the POINT where YOU interface MAYBE 

AND THEN 

you go through to the WORLD 

OH

I JUST got it

the HERMIT 

GENIUS