more tarot thoughts

I was thinking about 

the moon

the sun

the star

I feel resistant to give them 

SYSTEMS

I'm not sure 

WHY

the moon could easily be 

the sub-conscious

or something 

the sun

could be something to do with happiness 

although that seems asymmetrical 

in a place that feels like it

WOULD BE

symmetrical 

the star is like -- hope/dreams for the future

THAT

FEELS 

personal

I feel weird about a system 

although it could be

of course

I KEEP wanting 

STRENGTH

to be an OCTOPUS -- maybe because eight

or I don't KNOW why

I don't think I can make a good case for it

I still KINDA want 

the foot and LEGO 

although I think the devil is about

being trapped in 

addiction 

or limiting beliefs 

not feeling in control maybe 

when you have a strong 

NEED to CONTROL 

the tower

I had some idea -- which I'm remembering as being really different somehow 

because of

the

PORTALS 

I can't remember 

I'm really not happy -- how did I not write it down 

the hanged man

I like to think

is a shamanic thing

BUT 

it's just as legitimately WAITING 

surrendering to a situation 

where you have limited

CONTROL 

maybe even seeing things from a new perspective 

I feel like I might not know the whole story 

on the hanged man 

sprouting idea

I LIKE sunflower sprouts 

& I just found this 

RECIPE for

CRACKERS made from LENTILS 

& if those are good 

I could do a goat cheese

topped with sunflower sprouts 

& it would be SUPER healthy 

NOW

I'm not great at growing things

I'm CONFIDENT I CAN 

grow radish sprouts 

I'm pretty sure I 

have the jar

sunflower sprouts are a little trickier

probably not that tricky 

I've always thought 

it was too much trouble 

BUT 

I've got this WHOLE fantasy 

about living off grid -- growing my own food

I decided 

it would be a really useful thing 

it have a steady supply of 

sunflower sprouts 

& if I can do that 

it has a bunch of benefits 

& is a baby step to the growing your own food

supplies cannot be found reliably

unless it's at a farmer's market 

& those have multiplied

over the years 

there are three or four that are close-ish to me

I haven't been to any since at least 

pre-pandemic

BUT 

even if they were available 

at adventuresome

LOCATION 

GROW 

how am I not good with plants

sprouts have directions -- rinse twice a day

FOOD 

goodnight sweetheart

HEY

I don't know 

whether I'm CRAZY or sane

& I don't know 

HOW 

MUCH of what I think I know is a projection

BUT I am standing HERE 

LISTENING 

to the

RAIN

& I

FEEL you MOVE through me

additional thoughts

I had got myself distracted 

MAYBE 

with alligators

the IDEA of

being comfortable 

with alligators 

just out in a boat

FISHING 

and

the bridge 

and

key largo 

for some reason 

although 

it doesn't seem like the right geography 

for some reason 

still

streaming consciousness

I hear thunder

maybe 

it will rain

again

I was ALSO thinking 

if you were gonna tie each card

to some system

or whatever 

WHAT about judgement 

I feel like I don't have 

or didn't HAVE 

NOW

maybe I DO have 

it's tied to the concept 

of the bodies popping up at the trumpet call

THAT 

ALWAYS really turned me OFF 

& the meaning never would 

really STICK

BUT 

it's about 

the PHOENIX energy 

NEW

SO

then HOW is that DIFFERENT from the ENSO

BECAUSE 

ya STILL got the WORLD

& MAYBE 

it's back to the gnostic IDEA of remembering 

I contain the DIVINE SPARK 

BUT 

what SYSTEM does THAT -- oh wait, I SEE

you're bringing this up 

BECAUSE 

you think it ties into 

the IDEA I said 

I LIKED -- for something, when I had it, so now?

CIRCUS GNOSIS 

I don't KNOW I'm not sure HOW it fits

it doesn't SOUND great

if ya say it aloud

I DO LIKE 

the way it looks

MAYBE 

it just reminds us of 

IF I RAN the CIRCUS -- for sure it's a little that

BUT 

is there a system that takes you through 

a kind of de-programming

is that necessarily a 

SPIRITUAL process -- I WANT to say it is

if you go to a tony robbins seminar & get inspired are you any less feeling the spark

I'm not sure 

OR

is it NOT a PROCESS specifically NOT 

is it the

JUMP

THAT SEEMS RIGHT 

it's the POINT where YOU interface MAYBE 

AND THEN 

you go through to the WORLD 

OH

I JUST got it

the HERMIT 

GENIUS 

brain chatter really

I'm having this

RECURRING 

something 

where I'm LIKE 

& I think I've tried to describe it before 

I feel like it's important 

MAYBE 

it's psychic 

BALLAST

something about 

HOW 

everything was okay at any point in the past

HOW 

everything organized itself 

there's a BIG picture 

& then there's the little picture 

& sometimes the bigger picture 

isn't all that obvious to the

day to day

HOW did that WORK again

I slept and I felt like I was working things out

BUT 

I've got so MUCH work to do 

I'm looking at myself 

SO 

I guess I'm dealing with the body image issues 

skincare is, once again, hitting it out of the park

mvp product --  ma:nyo bifida ampoule mist

in my defense 

the spokes for the BODY management 

I SEE -- ONE department -- please continue 

LENTILS 

excuse me WHAT does LENTILS mean 

they are SOME KIND of MAGIC

VERY healthful

I think there's a slipperiness about what people really care about in your mind and you wonder if whatever you have to say only has meaning for you and there's a core part of you that knows some people want to know things that are grounded in the real world and it's good to try to touch the real world and this is another part of the psychic ballast

LENTILS 

digest better than just about anything else 

you can make them into anything 

nutrient dense

cheap

headache slept till a couple hours ago

RAIN

well

I think it's 

MORE my romanticized version 

than actually quantum entanglement 

thoughts

I mean I guess I'm KINDA half doing it

my original thought

for the lover's card had the chakras 

but then

I drew my quantum entanglement 

PORTAL

& I thought maybe it was TOO much 

BUT 

since I'm the ONLY one who will 

I'm still don't really want 

to add a bunch more RINGS 

& the high priestess 

has sacred geometry 

SO

I'm half doing it

SEE

am I even making any sense here

the thing I was talking about was the

DESIRE to make

every card correspond to a system 

or at LEAST a KEY 

CONCEPT 

QUANTUM entanglement 

I'm going through them like steps

beginner's mind -- the fool

magic*  -- the magician

*like that first step where you take the material elements & you use them as tools to create the world or operate upon it

sacred geometry -- the high priestess

not sure on three

it needs to be

RIGHT 

the emperor 

I think of

POWER 

& mastery over the environment 

& I also think of the DIVINE masculine 

& FATHERHOOD