will it post

I WANTED to be 

KEROUAC 

I wanted to be hunter s. thompson 

I wanted to write stories 

but all I ever got was

shut out pathetic groupie

and that wasn't a story I wanted to write 

I never wanted to be a stage performer 

I wanted to pay for half the gasoline 

do half the driving

BUT 

we don't seem to be friends 

and that breaks me

if it posts it posts

I thought we were friends 

who had seen each other through things

been there for each other

BUT 

you think all these bad things about me

& it doesn't seem like any good ones

I'm not attractive to you 

I don't understand why you would 

even want anything from me 

I'm broken enough 

I thought 

I really thought you loved me

and that you were like my

daddy and just hurt

BUT 

I just don't know what to think now

will it post

everything I ever told you

was true when I told it to you

if my story is different now

it's because my perspective changed

over time

I LOVE you VERY much 

I wish you had told me

you didn't like me

will it post

I'm not sure why

you keep expecting me to have

skills I've been telling you for

like twenty years

I don't have 

and the dumpy fatty thing

although I own it

did hurt

please post

I'm trying not to be all crazy

I know I didn't tell you

you looked good enough to eat

or how amazing you sounded

I may not have even told you safe travels too

I don't know what I said

or how it sounded

& that's probably normal 

but I know I talk in ways that can be interpreted 

differently & I can't help it 

BUT 

I'm getting sh*t in my head

that makes me think

I upset you

& that was not my intention 

the happiest moment of my life 

was that look on your face in the last group meeting 

& I misinterpreted what that meant

SO

I just am trying to be real

& if it's lacking

fair enough 

BUT 

KNOW that none of it is trying to away from that beautiful look

please post

I'm going to make that private 

because it's not messages

to you

it's things for me to reference