goodnight sweetheart

I LOVE you VERY much 

early voting

I early voted

at

what used to be HCC*

& is NOW**

*houston community college 

**houston city college 

newly enough that it's a 

BANNER 

it's KINDA a fun

building to walk through 

I think it's got to do with the lighting

BUT 

there's something about the spaces

there's a WAY

it seems

institutional

at other points

it seems

like it MIGHT be a METRO station

there are hanging giant pictures 

of students, maybe 

OR

possibly teachers

there's no context

west alabama ice house

I went to west alabama ice house 

it's been there since

nineteen twenty-eight 

I've always wanted to go there

I have lived and worked 

within walking distance 

MULTIPLE times 

TODAY 

I went there

I think there may have been 

some renovations 

recently 

BUT 

it's awesome 

& they had big screens 

with baseball 

SPRING TRAINING 

it looked SO BRIGHT there

SEA v LA

it looked like arizona bright

BUT 

I don't have which teams are in arizona 

I'll have to look it up

I had thought 

MAYBE 

I could do pick up tarot readings

when I was in austin 

they had a sign in the hotel

coming soon

TAROT readings

& I thought 

HOW 

can I MORE connect

with the whole 

intuitive thing & human interaction thing

& MAYBE even community connection-ish

there weren't many people there

& they were pretty into the people they were with

BUT 

I connected with the place

& I like it

it feels like a 

SECRET 

goodnight sweetheart, I LOVE you VERY much

OK

I'm not sure whether I can explain everything 

I kept circling and looping 

& I'm LIKE 

I've made my decisions 

WHY am I STILL 

CIRCLING 

& I was LIKE 

BECAUSE 

I'm just

passively waiting & hoping it's gonna work out 

BUT 

I NEED to ACTIVELY DO 

something 

the place she was kept calling me 

& then they said the twenty fourth 

WHAT do you want to DO

SO

I was LIKE 

I need to CALL 

BUT 

she got sent BACK to the hospital 

for shortness of breath 

austensibly 

BUT 

probably really to get her off their hands

SO

the hospital called me 

I SAID 

we have a history of narcissistic abuse 

& she broke the relationship 

she's my mother

& I care

BUT 

I can't really be involved 

& the doctor said 

I UNDERSTAND COMPLETELY 

I will make sure they don't 

BOTHER you 

I can't express to you 

HOW 

that made me 

FEEL 

the anxiety is GONE 

BUT the FEELS

not so much