Sunday, April 19, 2026

DUDE I had some DREAMS

I dreamed you made a ceramic bowl 
with my face painted on it
& bob dylan said he 
didn't like it
because 
you didn't take his advice & he's a painter too now
BUT
I loved it

then some stuff I don't remember 

& I was at this BIG art show
like booths in a huge mall or convention center 
or something 

& I came upon
this booth
SOMEONE I KNEW who they were in the DREAM 
she was incredibly famous 
SHE was demonstrating
some kind of laquering
TECHNIQUE 

& I walked up
& bob dylan was at her booth 
he loves her work
& it was a beautiful piece of wood
& there were little bits of wood
ON the wood surface 
that you couldn't really even SEE they just caught the light like little flecks of gold leaf
it was SUPER subtle
ALMOST CONCEPTUAL

& dylan and I hugged
I can't remember the feelings 
that led to that

MAYBE 
he was in a fluffy wool coat
because what I remember was a fluffy wooliness

then there was some more stuff I don't remember 

then I was walking 

through neighborhoods
sometimes secret streets
that ran inside apartment buildings 

sometimes semi wooded areas

& I came out in some sort of
insurance company building 
MAYBE 
I can't explain WHY I think that

then I walked out
& the platform outside the doors
led to stairs
that just ended in a way
that would lead you to
just walk off into 
NOTHING 
falling, probably to your death

I LOOKED WAY UNDER 
& it looked like it was built on top of the White House

there was a usable stair off to the side
& I got to the ground
BUT 
everything was
CRAZY
& there were groups of people 
that seemed like
they were
IDK
at a weapon
or some kind of operation 

& I started
RUNNING 
& I was surprised 
HOW FAST
I was younger physically, I'm pretty sure 
& I had the distinct impression that I was 
running through gunfire

I wasn't scared
& I'm not sure if I was trying to get to the road
BUT 
I woke up

& I don't remember where they fit in
but there was a 
BLUE
sculpture of a woman's head
GREEN
sculpture of a man

check in april 18th

it rained all day
BIG cold front
it's fifty six degrees
april is already summer here
so that's crazy

the front gave me a headache 

I'm gonna try to sleep now 
I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 
goodnight 

Saturday, April 18, 2026

better check in, maybe but the skincare team says they're killing it

SO
my question now is 
HOW 
do I deal with the 
STUFF 
without going off the deep end again

I MEAN 
I feel more solidly 
ME
& I EXPECT 
THAT
will help

BUT 
that part of my mind that always 
LIKE 
tries (sp?) to CONNECT the special interests

is all like 
psst --- it's not an empathy engine

stories based on mythic fairytale 
mission from g*d
CORRUPTION 
in the world
NARCISSISM 
religion 

weaving all the bits together 

this may or may not be clear enough to make sense 
it seems like a possible 
SOMETHING 

MAYBE 
maybe it's just me solving puzzles in my HEAD 

BUT 
I was contemplating 
HOW 
in case I could 

& I watched this video about language trends
& HOW it's CHANGING all the time 

ENGLISH was supposed to be dying 
it's the fastest growing language 
BECAUSE 
people all over the world want to watch 
english language videos

FRENCH 
second fastest language 
AFRICA 

& then ALSO in africa 
NIGERIAN pidgin
is growing 
FAST
because in nigeria they speak like five hundred languages 
SO
they're using nigerian pidgin
the way swahili is used regionally
& french --- in different regions 

BUT 
it's LIKE the MOST amazing 
SLANG 
& the rhythm
& the melodiousness

JARA



Friday, April 17, 2026

check in april 17th

I haven't listened to TK yet
I'm going to 
BUT 
I was in a mindset I'm trying to 
REINFORCE
& I can't 
enter into other mindsets while I do that
PROBABLY 
I will listen tomorrow 

BUT 
I did a thing I'm pretty excited about 
& even though you are unlikely to be super excited about it I want to share

ulta is having a sale 
it ends soon 
SO 
I was looking to see if anything I need
was on a good sale
& some things were
& I left something in my cart
& they sent me a 10% off coupon 
which surprisingly 
was usable on 
SALE items

& I have points

between the sale & the coupon & the points
I got months worth of skincare 

two hundred & sixty some dollars worth 
for eight dollars and eighty eight cents

I'm pretty impressed with that 

april 16th

I was thinking about 
those giant
BELT BUCKLES
that were
popular when I was a kid

& then I saw you
in some wrangler boot cut jeans
this elaborate toolwork belt
with the enormous 
BUCKLE 
your shirt
instead of being a western shirt 
was a kinda drapey
SILK
muscle shirt
& a straw hat --- like generic cowboy hat shape 
not spaghetti western flat
BUT 

it MIGHT 
have been 
trampled by something 
& then forced back into shape
& you are in that
james dean in giant
POSTURE 
that's either completely relaxed indifference
or arranged to show off attributes 
to elizabeth taylor 

I'm not sure WHY

goodnight sweetheart I LOVE you VERY much