it was not a talk-y day

I've had 

one step beyond 

by madness 

in my HEAD 

all day

I happened to look at the clock

at 11:11

BOTH TIMES 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

I'm going to try to sleep now

one step beyond

good day sweetheart 

I'm going to try to sleep now

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 

good morning and good afternoon

I saw this video last night

I was looking for 

jimmy kimmel 

then I realized they just do week days

BUT 

then I saw one with sarah silverman

& suddenly I realized 

I'd seen it before 

it was something that went viral 

like seventeen years ago

& I don't think I even knew who jimmy kimmel was

& I didn't know who he was

when they were threatening to cancel him

I'm only watching him NOW because of THAT 

I THINK 

BUT 

I thought the sense of

just CRAZY in-joke

FUN

was so different from the world I feel like we are in now that it made me wonder how much of that is just ME post mental break (or whatever)

I don't want to be stressful 

I'm going through some

CHANGES

but I 

am UP to them, I think

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 

more tarot thoughts

I was thinking about 

the moon

the sun

the star

I feel resistant to give them 

SYSTEMS

I'm not sure 

WHY

the moon could easily be 

the sub-conscious

or something 

the sun

could be something to do with happiness 

although that seems asymmetrical 

in a place that feels like it

WOULD BE

symmetrical 

the star is like -- hope/dreams for the future

THAT

FEELS 

personal

I feel weird about a system 

although it could be

of course

I KEEP wanting 

STRENGTH

to be an OCTOPUS -- maybe because eight

or I don't KNOW why

I don't think I can make a good case for it

I still KINDA want 

the foot and LEGO 

although I think the devil is about

being trapped in 

addiction 

or limiting beliefs 

not feeling in control maybe 

when you have a strong 

NEED to CONTROL 

the tower

I had some idea -- which I'm remembering as being really different somehow 

because of

the

PORTALS 

I can't remember 

I'm really not happy -- how did I not write it down 

the hanged man

I like to think

is a shamanic thing

BUT 

it's just as legitimately WAITING 

surrendering to a situation 

where you have limited

CONTROL 

maybe even seeing things from a new perspective 

I feel like I might not know the whole story 

on the hanged man 

sprouting idea

I LIKE sunflower sprouts 

& I just found this 

RECIPE for

CRACKERS made from LENTILS 

& if those are good 

I could do a goat cheese

topped with sunflower sprouts 

& it would be SUPER healthy 

NOW

I'm not great at growing things

I'm CONFIDENT I CAN 

grow radish sprouts 

I'm pretty sure I 

have the jar

sunflower sprouts are a little trickier

probably not that tricky 

I've always thought 

it was too much trouble 

BUT 

I've got this WHOLE fantasy 

about living off grid -- growing my own food

I decided 

it would be a really useful thing 

it have a steady supply of 

sunflower sprouts 

& if I can do that 

it has a bunch of benefits 

& is a baby step to the growing your own food

supplies cannot be found reliably

unless it's at a farmer's market 

& those have multiplied

over the years 

there are three or four that are close-ish to me

I haven't been to any since at least 

pre-pandemic

BUT 

even if they were available 

at adventuresome

LOCATION 

GROW 

how am I not good with plants

sprouts have directions -- rinse twice a day

FOOD