i shall be released 4:19

it occurs to me
that perhaps i'm not understanding the question properly
is it that you will experience
the experience
of the particular relief
or just the type of relief without the experience
there may be a distinction that i'm missing

when i work hard
for long periods
and my body hurts
lying in bed
very infrequently helps
i very rarely wake up in the morning
feeling refreshed and good
which is why it has been so nice and unusual
so
i don't even really understand that experience
i don't know what you're talking about on that one
so
i have to discount it out of hand
that's a no go from the start

now
one of the lovely things
which the menopause seems to have brought me
is a closer relationship with my bladder
i understand that pregnancy does this too
in slightly different ways
but
for a little while there
i was having trouble holding it

and
i get on the computer
and i think
yeah yeah just a little while longer
and then, suddenly, there was just not any more time
and i would clench
and try to get up
and
before i could get to the bathroom
it would be leaking out of me

i found this
some combination of disgraceful and horrifying
so i started doing some things to try to improve it
and i don't
knock on wood
seem to be having the leakage issue anymore
but
the suddenly
still happens
so
i know the agony
and of course
i've had long road trips
there was one where i was stuck on a bridge
in louisianna
i think near lake charles
where i had had to go for a while
and then suddenly traffic was stopped
and it was another hour and a half
and i started
seriously
trying to figure out how i would pee
into something
how could that work
and when i finally pulled in to a gas station
super hyper ultra clenched
that pee
that pee was semi-orgasmic
plus with the relief of not having the humiliation
of having to try to clean piss out of a rental vehicle
so
if we are strictly speaking feelings of relief
sensations of relief
minus the actual thing we are doing for the relief
then
i'd have to pick the peeing one

however
if the question is as i understood it
which experience would we rather have
i can go two days without eating
it's not the best
but
in high school
several times
i didn't eat for like five days
and then i'd eat a candy bar
like
to get high
before i had drugs
the experience of eating delicious food
is one of the reasons for living
even if i'm not particularly hungry
that's one of the reasons i'm fat, see
the sensory experience of eating
so
it's not that great as a "form of relief"
it would be second
since the bed one doesn't make sense
but
if we are ranking the experience of eating
after a prolonged period of not eating
heightening the sensory experience
of the already very high up in the list experience
vs. the  experience of peeing
after a prolonged period of not being able to
the experience is only relief
there is no euphoric element
so
for me
it is an inferior experience

if food is like
just fuel
no erotic element
no euphoria
then
i can well imagine the release element
would change the equation
i can remember
when i was a kid
researching information about sex
reading that an orgasm
feels a lot like
peeing
when you have been holding it a long time
and
i thought
wow, that seems lame
and
indeed
my orgasms are not much like that
or, at least, they haven't been in the past

who can say
what they will be like now
that weak little one was
now that i'm thinking of it
kinda like that

ok
now i'm just depressing myself
an orgasm
is meant to be a psychedelic earthquake
a near out of body experience
maybe not for a guy
maybe that would be painful
but
for me
if i remember correctly
is like an alien download
with this kaleidescopic clicking pattern in my brain
and then all the body stuff
which is a completely different kind of
like exploding tension
not centralized in the genitals
and not flowing in the way of even an intense pee

and
i'm not gonna get that back, am i
i've probably lost that forever