Grackles: 4:29

have you ever woken up from yourself?  well that's what happened to me on day forty of quarantine.  i got up at regular time--  before times regular--  after having reverted to a schedule which was natural to my own body clock.  my cat was the happiest i think i've ever seen him.  he is a morning person and has not adjusted well to the changes, namely that i go to bed at the time i normally woke up.  i fed him and showered.  brushed my teeth and went back to the bedroom to put on some clothes.  i was pulling on my yellow skirt--  which i have literally had since 1995 and never wear--  it's a pale yellow cotton knit long modified pencil skirt which i am choosing because 1) it's cotton and fairly cool for my early texas summer no air-conditioning challenge  2) i'm trying to wear light colors to maximize my laundry situation  3) it's a "cheerful" color and i thought i could use that today.  the cat and i had a routine in the before times where he would jump up on the bed and i would pat his rump.  it's just like it sounds.  i pat his rump he makes biscuits into his polar fleece blanket, which i had to return to it's customary location because it had fallen off.  i do this while he traverses the blanket and moves in ways that usually make it difficult for me to reach him.  not today, today he is taking it easy on me in the reaching department but he is really giving the blanket a good work over.  then he flops down on his side and i pet him in the ways that he likes.  until such time as he becomes over-stimulated and has to bite.  he hasn't had this routine for possibly the entire forty days and he has clearly missed it.  he manfully restrains himself from biting for maybe the longest time ever and then he doesn't really try to bite me.  he gives fair warning, which for a cat is the best you can really hope for.  it's just like the before times.  it's nothing like the before times.

i put on a heathered gray modal t-shirt that i don't like the way it looks on me but it is very very comfortable, and also it is light colored (laundry).  i don't plan to look at myself.  who else will see me.  i haven't put on makeup.  well, that's maybe not true.  i have put on a tinted sun-screen when i went out for walks once or twice.  if that counts as makeup then there's that.  even my skin care routine has whittled down to almost nothing in the last couple of weeks.  cleaning:  witch hazel on a cotton pad.  maybe centella serum, maybe not.  chaparral desert skin oil.  i had a multi step korean inspired skincare routine.  when i realized i was going into lock-down i ordered a few extras of things i didn't want to run out of.  i haven't used them.  the desert skin oil isn't even something i was using before.  it's something i bought because 1) i needed something light to wear with the non-air-conditioned situation 2) i wanted to support the small business maker 3) i needed retail therapy 4) i needed a justification to spend the money so i made up #1--  i know i have light oils i could have used.

so here i am.  i got up early today because i need to call the unemployment and find out what's going on with my not getting money.  truthfully it's kind of a misrepresentation to make it seem like i woke up from a night's sleep.  i went to be at 4:15am and i got up at 6:30am.  that's more like a nap, really.  i feel like i haven't been doing this right.  i had good intentions, i really did.  i was going to figure out some income streams.  i was going to sell all my old stuff on poshmark or ebay.  i was going to look for work from home opportunities.  first i was going to take two weeks--  vacation, if you like--  shelter in place and then take stock of the situation.  i guess after the two weeks the situation seemed apocalyptic enough that i just decided to zone out.  now, don't misunderstand me, i do not mean i spent the time high.  i do not have drugs of any kind.  except alcohol.  i have had a few margaritas.  not anything excessive.  three or four times in a forty day period is much higher than my normal drinking levels, but is definitely not excessive.  unless you think it is.  in which case, i mean, whatever, i don't know what to tell you. 

i'm awake now and i have stuff to do.