night chat: 4:26

listening to this

i am very tired, strangely
how are you holding up

i thought i had all these things to say
and i was listening to the book
and they don't have any trouble adding stuff in
but i am getting a picture of where she lived in san francisco

i'm a little worried about my cat
normally he wants to eat at 8:30
9:30, 10:30 and then he might go hours
but
he ate at 8:30
and at 10:30 he had no interest
now he's still sleeping
i'm really surprised he's not menacing me
or passive-aggressively chewing on things
that clearly aren't food
like, see how hungry i am
i have to chew on this pen that fell on the floor
or fake cactus
or your makeup on the counter in the bathroom
while i'm peeing
because i'm just not moving fast enough

when he isn't hungry
i'm worried he's sick

if they stop the briefings
i'm going to miss them
not that they were sensical
but
just the place they occupied in the craziness

my eyes itch so bad
i might have to get something
i'm pretty sure i have eye lubricant
i did for fall allergies
it's like slightly viscus
not like visine
it doesn't get the red out but it is very soothing

anyway
i can't remember all the things i was gonna say
because i can't stop seeing the artist studio building
and dorothea lange down the block
and what chinatown in the early thirties must have been like
when she went there to have them make her folklorico dresses
i'm calling them that
that isn't the technical term
it might be better if i read this in print
i remember terminology better if i see it
i think the jewelry was zapoteca but i think the dresses
have a different name
anyway
there was a asian woman who was famous
among the mexican women in mexico
and to honor her
women tried to emulate her silks with what they had
and then she kinda did her own spin on that
by going to chinatown
and having them make her style of dresses
from the chinese silks
she really kinda developed her style
when she was in america
to connect her to her homeland
plus she was young
and kind of inventing herself as an artist

she's so perfect
and quetz'l
i guess i need to know more about him
but that's tricky
plus
i guess it's ok to make him up
but
do they get along, i wonder
seems like they would

i would not have thought of her
because she's so over used
too much of a pop cultural item
that gets misappropriated
and i mean, so is joan, but i feel like
the trans reference is pretty obvious and yet
i haven't seen it
don't tell me if it has
because i won't be able to then
but it's such an odd foiling
it funny
i was just thinking about it
but joan might end up being my only white person
that might be bad
i might seem to be appropriating
i just haven't though about any

and
of course
now that i say that
i think gee, i'd really like to have foucault in on this
he'd probably be one of the ones who would never have a kid
and would help out with older people
not so much from fomo
as just not so much wanting to have to deal with kids, maybe
i don't know him personally
and maybe that's too much

so
just went down a multi hour foucault rabbit hole
i know i've read madness
i think i've read disciple and punish
but i'm not positive
i may have just read excerpts
and had class discussions
idk
i could get either of those or vol 1 of sexuality
on audiobook
but
what i really want is like an overview of his main concepts
there are some readers or introductions
but they are more like break downs of his books
or the historical context in which he wrote
which is great if you're studying him
really great actually
since he was all about that shit
but
what i really wanted was like power/knowledge/freedom
and i did finally find that
and only published about five or six years ago
but
it's $40 and it'll take over a week to get here
or i can "rent" an ebook
which is weird
so
idk we'll see

anyway i took forever to get back here
and i was gonna go to bed early *sigh*

so
anyway
i hope you're doing well
and i hope you enjoy some days off to do fun things
i love you very much sweetheart
i'm gonna go write the poem