i said i was taking two weeks off
and that's almost up
monday
i have to figure out some new
selling my old stuff on poshmark or ebay
starting a youtube channel
idk something
i thought i had gotten back to myself
but idk about today
today was
i thought maybe going to be promising
with journeying
but then
there was texting mom
and other distractions
and maybe i shouldn't listen to those briefings
and now
i'm sort of panicked again
so my journey was interrupted
and i was about to go take them again
but
i thought maybe i owed you coherency
so imma write a little bit first
then dose
then write some more
i unfollowed that shaman-y chick
and i accepted the follow requests from the people
i worked with that were private accounts
i don't want to mess up my feed
but
i mean
wtf
they're people i care about
i can look at their pictures
in my feed
i'd rather go look at them
all at once
keeping it separate from my feed
but
i don't have that as an option
so fine
i am weird
but i'm not really using it as social media
or
rather
i sort of am
but just for new friends i'm making
but mostly still magazine
i have my feed set up
where almost every picture is
like, like, like, like, like
and
i don't really want my old job
reminders
new life
but
*shrug*
this all makes me sound like a bitch, right
anyway
i was just now in my facebook feed
and i hate it
idk why exactly
but
someone had a post
the song that was the number one hit
the day you were born
is your quarantine theme
and i thought
huh
wonder what that was
so i looked it up
so that's like a sign
things
might get rough
but
that's a sign
and
i'm gonna start writing
something more structured
i'm still gonna write this
[and whose to say this doesn't turn into
something more structured later]
but
i probably need to stop floating and make myself
act like i know what i'm doing
i wanna float
but
the new thing doesn't immediately become lucrative
right
gotta figure this all out
because there isn't money to move to the country yet
and
also
don't know where i'm going
like geographically
or anything
my cat
has almost adjusted to the change
he's very confused
and he's been picking up on my anxiety
but
he's settled back into sleeping
on the blanket
about three feet from me
when he gets freaked out
he sleeps under my chair
he's a sweet boy
and hasn't cut me much
yesterday i was petting him
and i said don't get all riled up
because he does
and then he has to bite and scratch
he gets over stimulated
and
after i said that
i could see the concentration on his face
he was really trying
and that's not new
but
i don't think i've told you about it before
and besides
it really touched me
i figured out what to do about the bra situation
i had these two bras
which i ordered
and i couldn't fasten them up
i wasn't sure if they were too small
or if my arms just weren't flexible enough
because it wasn't a regular bra
it was a camisole bra
but with support
so there was more
arms behind your back-ness needed
than usual
and i almost sent them back
but at that point
i thought i was losing a bunch of weight
which now may or may not
end up being the case
but
today
i thought
i'll just give that bra a try
i believe it would be just the thing
if i can get it on
and
arms all the way back
up and down the like five latches
no problem
so
that's cool
i don't feel good about today in gerneral though
today felt wasted
i'm going to leave this here
and
i just checked
and myrka has no pictures on instagram
she must just have the account so she can look at pictures
so
that works out fine
and
i kinda wish she had pictures
am i not just the damndest thing?!
daniel hasn't responded back yet
but i saw him on facebook
and it's all just gonna be cute pictures of his kids
so
probably good there too
i love you
i'm gonna go dose
and then i'll be back
