nite chat: 5:5

i swore to myself
that i would go to bed
just a little bit earlier
and i was shooting for three
but
four looks more likely now
if i can make that happen

i am not exactly seeing this thing i'm about to say
but i am visually imagining it
is that a distinction that makes sense outside of my own head
it isn't just coming up before me
i'm conjuring it with my imagination
so it's totally non-threatening
but i'm seeing sugar skeletons a la Posada
dancing around the room
they're pretty cheerful
not like a plague times type thing

so
anyway
i guess it was mixing the metaphors
because it's another holiday
i'm not really sure what we call this one

it feels like it has a definite place
but i'm not sure that it's on the earthly plane

i am imagining you
and i together
and apparently we are in the woods
that's not a location i normally conjure
but it there now
the sounds
but we aren't in a tent
we're a little glampier than that
we're in a small airstream type thing
and we're singing songs
and maybe we're smoking something
or maybe we're drinking margaritas
or a nice red wine
or maybe we're doing something else
idk
we're relaxed
and we're having fun just hangin out

and
do you remember
when you were like a teenager or early twenties (maybe)
when there was this thing--  making out
where you're kissing and touching and stuff
but
it's like about the kissing

can i remember how to do that

because after i got older
imean sometimes there was meaningful kissing
and sometimes there wasn't much kissing
but
after i started having orgasms
i don't think it was ever about the kissing again
maybe i'm remembering things wrong

or
maybe
i've spent enough time looking at your
lips, your mouth
that i feel very inspired by the idea of kissing you
i want things to move slowly
i want to savor everything about you
my tendency
i know
in the past
was to get too excited
to want to push through

i had someone who used to be like
slow down slow down
and wanted to do all this teasing
and i wanted to punch him in the face
because getting near orgasm
and then having things stop
might be great
if you're only having one orgasm
but
it always read to me like
you ask me what i want
i tell you what i want
you tell me i want something else

which requires a better case to be made for it
than you can apparently pull off

maybe i'm just not a good bottom
but maybe i've just had avery limited number of sexual partners
who had had pretty limited sexual experience
before thay were with me

so
maybe what i'm really saying here
is i want to go slow with you
really explore all the electromagnetic currents
and like facial mucus membranes
completely
before getting (i cannot help myself)
bones involved

there has been so much wind up between you and me
i imagine myself having to pull away from kissing you
to thrash through an orgasm
so we won't knock our teeth together
would it happen that way
idk
but you have made me come that way
by thinking about me
thousands of miles away
but
the thing about the energy surges
in proximity
i would expect them to be stronger
because
you get a
feedback
loop