nite chat: 5:20

i hope you are doing well
i also hope you understood the significance
and didn't think i was being sassy
because i was not

i don't feel good
i'm about ready to give up the shaman tincture experiment
i feel like it is making me boring
which was not what i was going for
i'm up to 80 drops
and i don't feel like it's doing anything
i feel slightly drunk
but
less creative
100 drops would be a teaspoon
so still not a large amount

i guess i did tell it to help me solve my problems
rather than telling it to make me more productively creative
specifically, but still

of course i could be maligning it
maybe i'm just depressed or something
but
idk
i feel somewhat anxious
and like i'm trapped a little
i should probably leave the house
or at least go outside

i wish i would stop dreaming about working
unless i'm going to work someplace more interesting

i keep asking the cards
what is the most important thing i need to know
and it keeps saying you you you
so
i guess i need to know
that you are the most important thing
and i do know that
but
i'm worried about a bunch of stuff that i don't think
you are going to be able to fix for me
even if you wanted to
and
i've never had the impression that what you wanted
was to solve all my problems for me
and besides
i'm not that good at letting people solve my problems
i'm difficult

so anyway
i had nachos for dinner
and i have an interesting historical factoid

about the kennedy assination
this makes the most sense of anything that i've heard
maybe you've heard this
but
it was new to me

ok
so we know about oswald
but he only fired two bullets
and only one hit the motorcade
and his was not the bullet that hit kennedy in the head, right
that bullet came from behind
and i always figured that was grassy knoll
but
apparently
after they had computer programs
that could map it all out
the ballistics expert who had worked on the report
he went back and mapped it
and it was the secret service car

the secret service had mostly been out drinking the night before
so the junior officer had been issued an AR-15
which was new and he wasn't very familiar with it
when the shooting started
the motorcade initially wasn't sure what was happening
and it slowed down
he stood up in the car and prepared to fire
then the motorcade sped off
he lost his balance
fell backwards
and discharged a few rounds
so
the secret service
accidentally shot kennedy in the head
and then covered it up

now
i mean
i wasn't there
but
doesn't that sound more believable

of course
it still doesn't explain what ruby was about
so there still could have been a conspiracy
i guess
this maybe doesn't clean up every loose end
but

and i'm not sure why i'm going into all this
maybe you're not interested

i just haven't got much i can tell you about me

i hear birds
they sound like they are coming from the chimney
but
i think it's actually the fan needs to be oiled or something
yes
i'm almost sure it's the fan
but
i was initially thinking birds in the chimneu
but
it's not a functional fireplace
it's an electric fire
without the electric fire
so chimney isn't open

i guess the anxiety is back though
because not only am i worried about zombie flu
and work and general stuff
but
i was worried you were mad at me five different ways
before i decided that you're not mad at me at all

and not the cat is vomiting
joy

my mother is pushing for some kind of face to face

but
i have almost worked out an herbal medicine
i also studied cannabis tinctures
and you might enjoy to make one

if you take it sublingually
it's faster than edibles
and it's easier on your lungs
supposedly if you use pga (like everclear, for example)
it only takes three hours to get an extraction
that's pretty fast

also
there's some kind of certification for
cannabis trainer
i can't really understand what that means
why do you need a trainer
for cannabis
obvi
that wouldn't work for me here now
but
i guess it bears more looking into, maybe

here's the link for cannabis tincture recipe

i love you very much sweetheart