Okay I'm awake

But I'm back in bed

I don't think I'm going back to sleep I just wanted to lay down

What the f*** is going on

I was just looking through Twitter

And it seems as though

I'm going to have to try to figure out what happened in the news in the last few days

It seems like it wasn't a shooting I'm not sure why I thought it was a shooting maybe because it's usually a shooting

But it sounds as though they choked him to death by putting their knee on his wind pipe

For 9 minutes

Also it seems like there was looting

And protesting

And we either reached or surpassed 100,000 deaths

And something about fact-checking

Seems like a lot of stuff has been going on

at the start I felt like I was keeping on top of everything but now I feel like I'm drowning in what I haven't kept on top of

All I was trying to do was disconnect from it

Because I was depressed and overwhelmed

And I'm not sure

That I'm prepared to deal with all of that

What the f*** am I going to do about all of that

I mean it's not like people are getting worse exactly

But it is sort of like whole country is having a slightly psychotic episode

Which I mean I relate to

Not what they're all doing

But the psychotic episode-y part

But if you wanted to fix this

This problem with America

I don't mean the virus

I mean the extreme division between what I guess I'll call the left and the right even though I don't think that's really that accurate of a representation

and you can't say the haves and the have nots either because that's not right either

And you can't say black and white because it's not that simple either

And I mean if you parse it out

I don't think it's one thing

But even though it isn't one thing

Even though there's a lot of stuff going on

And some of what's going on is white supremacy That's a thing

And some of what's going on is racial violence That's a thing

And then there's this I won't wear a mask

Is maybe a weird combination of things that I'm not 100% sure what to chalk it up to

I mean some of it is clearly manipulation of poor whites to serve a political agenda

And part of that can definitely be laid at Trump's feet and other people who are trying to serve some sort of reopening agenda

But not entirely

Some of it is a very white privilege I am a super brat I could do what I want but you better be afraid of me

I just can't get over how why people with automatic weapons were allow ed to just invade Capitol buildings and congregate in threatening packs packs You can't call it anything other than packs of I don't even know what to call them I mean I'm tempted to call them feral humans but that's insulting to animals

How is that just allowed to happen

I mean I get

That if you're the cops and there are people with automatic weapons you may not feel like you're able to subdue them

I get that

But then why aren't you taking pictures of them like you do of protesters and going and arresting them later when they're not in big packs with automatic weapons or why don't you tear gas then you know I mean something

How was that allowed to stand

But then protesters

Those you tear gas and shoot with rubber bullets

I mean really

I I don't understand and quite frankly I don't want to understand I want it fixed

I want the people who are behind organizing these white might paramilitary style fright fests

I want those people in masked

Billie Joe Jim Bob did not figure this all out on his own

I want those people punished

And I want political leaders to make this systemic physical violence against and murder of African American men stop it needs to just stop

No I'm not saying they should be violent to other minorities or in fact anyone

But what the f*** what the f*** why why can this not be made to stop surely we've noticed the problem it's been in the media for years it's been going on for longer than that obviously but it's been brought to the public's attention for years

I guess everybody being in quarantine has stopped the school shootings

But you are not going to convince me did this level of violence would not be stopped if the people who are perpetrating it were made to feel the The consequences for their action

I'm just very torn

I feel like I should spend the day catching up on what I missed but I really don't want to I really don't feel emotionally prepared

Just somebody in charge take a f****** stand