Well I've been up for I don't know 45 minutes maybe but I haven't moved my head hurts super bad and I'm very congested

I had dreams

What I found is that what I sleep longer I remember my dreams better

Which I guess really makes sense

So I had this very intense detailed dream about I had two cars One was kind of a sporty coupe and the other was a big brown van

And I'm not sure why I had two cars but I was mostly driving smaller one

So whatever the apartment complex I was in they thought the brown van was an abandoned car and they were pulling it into some kind of enclosed storage wasn't like a fenced-in yard it was like a really big warehouse room or something

So I got it out but then the inside of it it was really freaky it was like a TARDIS

okay it makes me really happy that the phone knows what a tardis is and spelled it right

So the inside of this fan was enormous and it didn't have like normal car operations

You didn't like sit in a seat in the front and look out the front windshield and whatnot there were three monitors on one of the walls that were like front side side

And I was trying to figure out how to drive it

And then finally I parked it in the backyard of a house that I had some affiliation with but had not asked them if I could park in their backyard so I was not 100% sure it's going to be safe there either

And then I had another dream that I remember last well but there was hotel rooms

And I don't know whether it didn't lock or whether it just didn't seem like it was safe even though it did lock

There was more to that I'm sure of it

also it was an on the road kind of hotel situation it wasn't like I was there on a vacation I was stopping on my way somewhere

and then there was another one at least I think it was another one it might have been connected to one of these other two dreams

It was a very large room full of stuff

Mostly little stuff

And I had to move it somewhere

I'm not sure if I was only moving the stuff that I thought was important and leaving the rest of it and I just thought all of it was important

or if there were certain things I had to get and certain things that could get

or if I had to get all of it I just I don't remember and that seems like an important factor but I just don't remember

But there were lots of bottles of liquid

There were all these different shapes and colors and the fact that they were different sizes and shapes made it really difficult to figure out how to package them because I didn't really have any packing supplies I kind of had to pack things into other things

And there were little creatures

Lizards maybe

And mice

and I guess before I realized I was going to have to take all this stuff out I had found homes for them and amongst all the stuff

and I was very concerned they were going to get crushed when things were moved

I feel like I'm leaving things out but that's what I remember and I should have picked up the phone and started dictating it right away instead of waiting but I couldn't quite wrap my head around that somehow

I feel like even though it didn't have any effect while I was awake it might have had some effect while I was asleep

I had a long talk with it before I started where I guess I had taken the two drops but I was telling it look I don't want to lose my memories I'm a writer I think and I don't want to lose memories because I might need them it's right so if there's stuff you feel like you need to move around because you're trying to fix trauma or whatever I don't mind you're fixing the trauma but I don't want to lose things

and I guess if I've suppressed it and I don't remember it anyway then I guess I'm not talking about that I'm not saying I want to remember anything horrible I've suppressed

Just you know be careful

I said I've always wanted well I guess not always but for years and years I wanted to have an ayahuasca ceremony and that's not because I think that would be a super fun trip it's because I've heard all this stuff about how the vegetable mother tells you how you've been screwing up and what you need to do to fix your life and I feel like I could really use the vegetable mother telling me how I f***** up and how to fix my life

And that's kind of what I'm looking for is advice about how to make this all work in a way that's more healthy and beneficial to me than what I've been doing

So that's kind of my beforehand prayer

That I realize it was in Ayahuasca and I wasn't asking it to be Ayahuasca but that I was hopeful that the fact that I had been thinking of myself as a shaman was kind of a clue

And then I was trying to approach with respect and reverence and ask for help but I just wanted to let it know where I was coming from

So I mean maybe the big brown van is the vehicle that I own but I don't drive that has this really freaky larger perspective and doesn't operate the same way as a regular car

And the room full of stuff is my memory is end neurological pathways and the little animals are the things that's trying to protect

Maybe I'm saying maybe