II nite chat: 5:14

my cat doesn't approve of my new schedule
he's glaring at me from the stairs
in real life
i often stayed up til two
and he hated that
but this is bullshit as far as he's concerned

i was doing pretty good
at the six to noon sleeping
but lately
my body thinks nine hours is more appropriate
and that is kinda throwing me off
i don't want to sleep five to two
or six to three that isn't right
idk why my body wants that
don't need nine hours of sleep
not doing anything strenuous

i think
you are really just great

i hope
that i make you feel that
how important you are to me
how much i love you
i know it's a crazy world and a crazy time
and i might not be able to maintain perky optimism
but i do hope that even when i'm down and having real trouble
with communication or whatever
i hope you still see that you're important to me
it worries me some
because of my parents
i don't want to be like that
and i don't think i am
but
i know that no one is objective about themselves

oh
that made me have a good memory
when i was assistant manager out by nasa
there was a girl
she seemed very young
but she must have been at least 17
because we couldn't hire anyone under that
she called me
christopher robin

like they were all the crazy characters
and
she explained it to me
like i was the one who took care of them

and
stuff like that always
it like touches me
because
it reinforces for me that i'm not

you can learn a lot about yourself
by paying attention to how people react to you

now
it doesn't tell you the stuff you know
and i'm not saying
seek external validation
but
like checking it is not bad

i also want to say
some of those smaller ones
seem like they might be a new series
[maybe]
and
there is a new more three dimensional quality
that seems like
a new level of mastery
now i'm not necessarily saying they are better
because i love the way you were painting
i just mean
it's harder to get the 3D things right on heads
so i think you're technical skill has increased
and
i'm pretty impressed
because
i assume you are still working from pictures
and
the painting instructor for whom i had the most respect
said that working from 2D and making it look 3D
is one of the most difficult things to do

how long has it been
since you painted a water tower
i feel like
self portraits and water towers
used to be motifs you visited frequently
and i'm wondering
with all the skills you've developed
over the last ten years
i wonder
how they'd look now

not something
you need to do
if you don't feel like it
i'm just curious

i love you so much
i'm gonna really try to hold it together
sleep well sweetheart