more nite chat: 5:21

i want something
idk what it is though
not margaritas
i'm bypassing that
i just had some chocolate
turns out not that either
i had some tomatoes

when i got up
i had toast
then later i had a really basic chicken salad sandwich
i had a couple chicken thighs
i cut that up
put in two pickles
some mayo
put it on bread
and called it a sandwich
and
i didn't really enjoy it at all

i feel like
i've just been feeding the cat
continually
and peeing
i don't think i'm doing either of those things
more than once an hour
and probably not that much
but
that's what it feels like

i had two giant cups of coffee
three or four giant glasses of tea
and a pretty big cup of devil's club
so
i think the peeing
is not from any sort of condition
just lots of fluids

i want something

i have those pinquito beans
they came out delicious
i oranges
i have things i could cook
eggs, for example, lots of eggs
pancakes, i could make pancakes
i have crackers and cream cheese
i might have mushrooms left-- i think i do
i could have a cream cheese mushroom omelet
there aren't any chips
but i don't want chips
there are peanuts, some peanut butter
sunflower butter, hemp butter
there's popcorn i could make
there are soup options
of various sorts
there are vegetables
not like every one known to man
but an assortment of
ones i like

cottage cheese sounds good
i don't have cottage cheese
because i don't generally buy it
dairy, i try to keep dairy to a minimum
non-fat cottage cheese with honey on top
and a big glass of pickle juice

this doesn't sound normal, does it

salt water taffy

i have dates
no, too sweet
i thought i had it there

also
i want a platinum 3776 fountain pen
it's just ridiculous
i do not need a new fountain pen
i have fountain pens
i just watched a video about it
and then it stuck
and i looked on ebay
and there's a used one that was thirty dollars
but the bid is up to fifty
and there's a day and a half left
there's no way it's not going to go up
and even if it didn't
i do not need a new fountain pen
that would not be a good use of fifty dollars

i want a bunch of stuff
that's just what i'm having to tell myself no to
right now

i have dandelion greens coming tomorrow
and more mushrooms
and more pickles
and tomatoes
and raisin bread
and cauliflower (really?)
some vegan cheese (might be good)
some potato chips
chocolate covered raisins
some bell peppers
some ground turkey
and
a mini watermelon

now i want cigarettes
i pretty much never crave cigarettes
i want gauloise blonde
which they don't even make anymore
because they are "light" cigarettes
but only if you are comparing them to french cigarettes
they aren't any lighter than marlboro reds