nite chat: 5:2

i don't know
i was gonna write a short story
i thought that's what i would do
when i got up this evening
but i didn't
and
i don't know what i thought i was gonna write it about
i feel transparent
does that make any kind of sense
like i'm not quite even here
my head hurts
i do not feel able to string coherent thoughts together
and why the hell can i not spell

i went to fucking school
i've read books
i just cannot spell for shit
this fucking thing puts red squiggly lines
underneath things i misspell
but then i have to go to a new tab and look them up
and it's the same words a lot of times
i'm just not learning them
and that's probably been the case my whole life

one time i know i turned in a paper in college
where i spelled counselling councilling
and any word with double letters can just fuck right off, generally
i know i have typos too
but
i can't fucking spell
it has never really bothered me before