BUT
I was really looking forward to telling my therapist
AND
he was sick yesterday
cancelled
I will probably still be quarantined
the following week
AND
I'm so proud of this
I have to tell you
NOW
BACKSTORY
once I really got it in my head
that nothing she says
is tied to how she thinks or feels
it's just designed to get some outcome
it affected me
I started seeing her as a hollow shell
she was dehumanized slightly
and I felt like my boundaries were
becoming aggressive and/or punitive
THAT was another reason I went to therapy
HOWEVER
I started seeing positive results
SO
good?
Anyway I'm trying to lean into it
while not becoming a monster
good luck?
Therapist Approved
ANYWAY
I said something
AND
she said something about me being a redhead
And I'm like
is that supposed to be bad?
And she's like oh yes blah blah
And I'm like
well my father told me red hair was the BEST color hair
AND when they tried to tease me
in first grade
for having red hair
I LAUGHED at them
Said they were just jealous
AND
My Mother used to tease me until I would cry
AND when I asked her why
she said it was because I reacted so BEAUTIFULLY
BUT
she NEVER
teased me about having red hair
SO
I refuse to believe that that is even
a REAL THING
to tease about
And she thought about it a second
and laughed
(a laugh you could imagine someone laughing if you caught them in a logic puzzle, maybe)
And I'm like
Yeah
that's funny
Not sure if the yeah that's funny was
Additive or a weak moment jab
uncertain how much of this she can process
BUT
some of it gets in
I texted her early this morning
to tell her to take a COVID test
and she doesn't have it
