I said f*CK it when I got home
AND
ORDERED SUSHI
So
I'm not sure how well I'm gonna sleep
but I need to sleep
because I have to go to work tomorrow
I really don't want to
but they need help
and I wanted to help them
it's just not as much fun as I hoped
but I feel much better
I'm still coughing
but not MUCH
AND
it really wants to be productive
Yesterday I walked to therapy
in the light rain
and then walked over to tamashi
I had that Malaysian thing again
then I walked to the coffee
(on the way, doesn't count as eXtra)
then home
I need to get more exercise
I need to fast again
but I'm not pushing it
BUT
ya know
it's weird
I LIKE my body
I don't mean I look at it and think
THIS PERFECTION
I see things I think are transitional
they ARE better
AND they WILL be better
I see a lot of
NOT actually all that BAD
like general shape GOOD
fat PERCENT too high
the things that seem like they might
NOT resolve without intervention
seem MANAGEABLE ya know
the BELLY seems less disproportionately ick
I have gained a few pounds
and I've had too much sodium so I'm
retaining fluid weight
but my clothes fit fine
I don't look all puffy
I look ya know
within acceptable parameters
vaguely like someone else
but not COMPLETELY unlike myself
CUTE kinda
I put this look together
and I'm like, what would I call THIS
and I had no idea
I had this short neutral paisley dress
with a vertical ribbed
spacedyed collared
sweater (?) shirt OVER
seersucker baseball cap
charcoal heather leggings
hipster raincoat
AND
my gran gran and my Aunt Joan
the women who taught me
what a young lady should
ya know
would have SAID
THAT is an ILLEGAL amount of PATTERN
I'm like
it IS TOO MUCH
BUT the CODE I'm going for
is FUNCTIONAL
wait
wait wait
wait wait wait
FUNCTIONAL PERSONAL
so the things aren't supposed to be
matchy matchy
and if they clash a little
that kinda underscores the vibe
(sorry, the vibe is FAVORITE PIECES)
((extra sorry oh look I just have stuff I love to wear and I wear whatever piece I need to fulfill that function))
that didn't quite convince me
if you were in a museum and you saw a painting
with THESE patterns
do you think it would disturb you
make you think
WHY
NO
then it is NOT too much
BUT
THAT HIPSTER RAINCOAT
my therapist is all like
ARE you SAFE to WALK in THAT
WELL DON'T STICK YOUR ARM UP
I'm gonna have to have it ALTERED
I'm not sure what that SAYS about ME
