this story BEFORE
&
I DO hate to feel like
I yammering on the SAME story
AGAIN & again
I can't help myself
my father made me a chalkboard
NOT a LITTLE one either
he got some chalkboard PAINT
I'm pretty sure
PRETTY sure
it was GREEN (hah)
like maybe it was THREE feet
by four feet
IDK it was something he BUILT
(it was maybe a little janky
but we built Jason's crib-- I helped
and it was round so you could roll it
instead of having to carry it)*
it has legs
it had a CHALK ledge
I had an IMAGINARY class room
I loved THAT thing
I wish I could REMEMBER what I was teaching
I was in THIRD grade
THAT was when I got the kinda WEAK instructions
I KNEW the CLASS was IMAGINARY
BUT
I was pretty sure I was TALKING to God
on the REGULAR
it was MOSTLY me talking
I ALSO
had this VERY strong like CRAVING
for a TWIN with this weird like
SENSE
that, even though that was IMPOSSIBLE
there WAS one somewhere
YOU are all tied into THAT
I have written you into my MEMORY
I look BACK
& I have filled YOU in there
you were like 16
AND
THEN
I see myself ACROSS the street
DEBORAH has one friend from her CHILDHOOD
that she kept up with
for a while she lived in a TOWNHOUSE
we when over there to help
PAINT
or something
but I wasn't actually doing THAT
they had a copy of
the GIVING TREE and I read it
& I CRIED
and I have cried pretty much EVERY time
I've thought about the GIVING TREE
since then
I'm NOT crying now, though
SO
MAYBE it's that I think ABOUT it
at TIMES when it will TEND to make me
the friend's husband was a disc jockey
the mighty Quinn--
which CONNECTS to that DYLAN tribute
that is MAYBE my favorite ROAD album**
AND
RECENTLY I watched this YouTube
with this therapist who specializes in
NARCISSISTS talking about
how the giving tree was a HORRIBLE book
should NOT be allowed
because it GLORIFIED a narcissistic relationship
and some nasty shit about shel
BUT
I thought you are MISSING
SO MUCH
I mean I can SEE her point
I'm PRETTY sure
even at eight
the boy AND the tree
the BOY and the tree
the boy and the TREE
AND
the kind of ALLEGORICAL human exploitation
of NATURE
SO
I mean YEAH but
REALLY
AND THIS is the story now
it's WEIRD that it went this way
BUT the thing I am REALLY VIBING on
is this SENSE that I have
that I SAY something
AND
then it turns out to MEAN THINGS
that are ALSO true
BUT
MAYBE I didn't realize that when I SAID it
AND
the TASTE of mountain dew
& I need to look into the JUNG CENTER
*my point is he was a pretty fair woodworker(ish)
not like carpentry or fine finishing just like nice competent cut and assembly
**although this is SO tangential & yet there somehow anyway
