I wasn't sure what to TALK about
but I am in the flow I guess
SO the universe sent me
DAD
I've told you dad stories
BUT
not for a while
I don't remember what I told you ALREADY
he had this thing he did
REALLY upset me
he would say
when I DIE I want you to put me
in a HEFTY BAG
take me out in a FIELD
& BLOW ME UP
I would TRY to explain
IF I try to do THAT there will be
NO way to PROVE
that I DIDN'T KILL you
that did NOT dissuade HIM
I would TRY to explain
this conversation is UPSETTING me
that did NOT dissuade HIM
this was NOT a ONE TIME thing
it went on FOR YEARS
UNTIL I figured out
what to SAY
to HIM
JASON
by the way
NEVER got him to stop
although perhaps it didn't bother HIM*
the NEXT time**
he made with the BLOW ME UP
I LOOKED at him
& I said
WHEN you DIE
I am going to HAVE YOU BRONZED
and PROP you in the corner
NEVER mentioned again
the BLOW UP thing
was related to this message
he was always trying to give me MESSAGES
but they were often GARBLED
(possible WORD SALADS)
OR
disrupted by the STARING OFF into space
BUT
he could get the whole BLOW UP message
without losing the thread
it was ABOUT
IMPERMANENCE not becoming ATTACHED
to THINGS
or PEOPLE
& I mean I GOT it
THAT'S how I knew what to SAY to
STOP him, ya know
I THINK he was schizotypal
or SOMETHING like
he had had a BRAIN injury
his SISTERS said he had a personality change
AFTER
the COMA
when I FINALLY figured out
was in that SAME period of time
EIGHT-ish
I DON'T know
what it was ABOUT me THEN
*although he sort of implemented my plan without knowing it
**to be honest I'm not sure I thought it up ahead of time and this makes it sound that way
