I'm going to TRY
what I FEEL like is again
to EXPLAIN why I FEEL like
I'm SOMEHOW
NOT
doing what YOU want me to do
and WHY
I WANT something FROM you
BUT somehow WE are
NOT ON THE SAME PAGE
OK
BEFORE I met you
I LOVED your MIND
I LOVED your INTENSITY
THEN I met you
and I had that COSMIC LIGHT SHOW
and you became TIED INTO my MISSION
I got THOSE TWO THINGS
INTERTWINED
BUT
you ARE NOT attracted to me
you are living a HAPPY and IMPORTANT LIFE
with people who LOVE and depend on YOU
I DO NOT have a sex drive at all anymore
I can't have children
and I can't put up with a bunch of BS
SO
if I was supposed to be your wife
I FEEL like that's OFF the table
PLUS
if you were PRETENDING not to KNOW me
AS A PATTERN INTERUPT
the ONLY reason for THAT
is to STOP my chasing after SOMETHING REAL
BUT
THEN I FEEL like I am supposed to be
still TANTALIZED with the FANTASY of FUCKING
AND
my TRUST is DEGRADED to the point
where if you were OFFERING yourself to me
and I HAD any desire
I WOULD NOT BE INTERESTED
I might be able to just
FEEL the LOVE
in ANOTHER context
BUT
NO while I am undergoing
internal RESTRUCTING
what I REALLY want
RIGHT NOW
is to UNDERSTAND
HOW any of this relates to my MISSION
and/or
what kind of ACTUAL relationship we CAN have
I thought maybe
it was some kind of CREATIVE partnership
BUT
idk
I FEEL like
if I knew what I wanted
WHAT I needed
I could MAYBE mold all this INTO
a reality that was EMPOWERED
BUT
I FEEL like you are specifically ALWAYS
keeping the INFORMATION
I WANT away from me
if YOU want SOMETHING
FROM me
and you AREN'T getting it
TRY SOMETHING
DIFFERENT
