if I had known things would go the way they have
MAYBE
I would have run the other way
I wasn't doing any of this
FOR HER
I was trying to
RESOLVE
myself
&
I didn't realize
that there was no there there with her
&
I find it
SAD
&
DISAPPOINTING
BUT
this is just who she is
she seems more coherent
she says she signed her
paperwork
BUT
I'm not going to be her caregiver
&
I KNOW she THINKS
her telling me
she has all this money
is supposed to make me want to sit on her
to make sure I get it, but that was
NEVER my GOAL
there's a social worker
coming to see her wednesday
maybe that will get her activated
I'm not trying to
RUN
BUT
I'm not taking on responsibility for her
she has to decide what she wants to do
with my being caregiver
NOT
an option
it's all JUST, I mean
I don't even know what to believe
& HOW will I know when her cagey ludicrous answers to direct questions are JUST her b*llsh*t
& WHEN
they cross over into
SENILE
I mean I
WISH
I had completely resolved all my issues
BUT
that's probably not realistic
SHE couldn't remember what my second degree was in, but she also wouldn't come to the second graduation ceremony
I ALREADY DID ONE
she lovingly
explained
LIKE
I already humored you once
WHY
are you trying to make me acknowledge you
AGAIN
SO
I didn't even take that as a possible proof of
memory loss
jason
just can't be relied on
not to f*CK me up
I've given him chances
NOW he has to
LIVE with the
CONSEQUENCES of PROVING himself
UNSAFE
I'm ONLY doing
ONE
TOXIC
family member at a time
& he hasn't given me
ANYTHING
that makes me WANT to put him ON DECK
SO
I'm sorry
HE
had a bad life, if he did
he's just gonna have to deal with people who can deal with him
I don't
BELIEVE
I am one of those people
when I went to see him and my dad back in 2007
it was my assessment at the time
that time with my dad
would not be productive
I was just gonna have to figure that sh*t out
ON MY OWN
