I was writing you something
I don't think I got very far
then
this is my
SECOND waking up -- let me explain
at EIGHT o'clock
I heard a KNOCKING on my front DOOR
I was dead asleep
BUT
I guess
the highly activated nervous system is intact
SO
I'm out of bed
& I'm hobbling quickly
yelling
COMING
as I go
I GET to the door, I OPEN the door
it's KINDA misty
disappointingly warmish -- which is to say, regular for Christmas here -- believably magic-y
BUT
nobody there
I look around
the amount of time
since the LAST
KNOCK
is not enough time
to get far enough away from the door
to not be visible
I would have heard
a CAR
SO
I'm not imagining magical scenarios
I FEEL like
I KNOW what happened
yesterday
I gave my neighbors a bottle of wine
anna
occasionally brings me
a paper plate with
some kind of
PASTRY
sometimes it is "extra" of something she baked
sometimes it is "extra" of some
eastern european version
of little Debbie's
& I take these off-hand offerings
& enjoy them
& THINK
I'm not sure HOW to reciprocate this
the last time my battery was
SUPER DEAD
drago
took me to the mechanic supply store
brought me and the battery back
& installed the battery
it was confused and stressful
& not the more or less seamless experience
that I would have had if I called triple A
BUT
it made me FEEL something
& then I tried to bake cookies
& they weren't great
SO
I got him some from the store
brown butter chocolate chip cookies
(which I know are good)
BUT
that didn't FEEL right
and last week, I THINK, for sure some time in this last stretch of psychological drama
I NEEDED CHOCOLATE
(medicinally)
& a box of weird mochi-like bitter chocolate balls
with some kind of honey based filling
that SEEMED like I wouldn't like it
but turned out to be
AMAZING
a whole box
that's not
"extra"
that's definitely EXTRA
& I'm LIKE
F.I.O.
& I got them a bottle of 1000 STORIES burbon barrel aged zinfandel
I walked over to where they were sitting
in the car port next to mine
HEY
I can't really bake pastry
but I THINK I can pick a TASTY wine
it felt like
maybe too much or not enough or trying too hard
BUT
my delivery was definitely
CASUAL
& USUALLY
there are european pastries
that I want at christmas
BUT
this year I didn't THINK about it
BUT
when there was a KNOCK that disappeared
I KNEW it was the neighbors
& NOW
I pfeffernusse and stolen
in a manageable
quality
I can enjoy with some coffee
❄️❄️❄️
