& I realized
some stuff in the early part
might sound
BAD
I was eating soup
& BASKING
in not freaking out ness
& it SEEMED profound at the time
I can't remember WHY
NO
that's not quite true
there were a bunch of little things
that KINDA hit
BUT
there was this part like halfway through ish
HOW
I was gonna say things
that were
MEANINGFUL to people
& that is specifically
something I'm
TRYING
to do
I'm watching it again
& it's already
sort of been mentioned
I FEEL like
things are changing
I'm not sure what is gonna happen
AND
I'm KINDA
TRUSTING that
I want to FOCUS on
that the universe is in the process of
taking me where I'm going
& spending time
WORRYING
playing out bad scenarios in my HEAD
will MAKE them TRUE
BUT
then this evening I say that australian woman
who does the sixteen personalities
who doesn't like INFJs
she had ONE on nightmares
INFJ nightmare --
INCOMING -- JUMP SCARE
but then there isn't one
& I LAUGHED
I thought that tracked
BUT
then she had, DREAMING
&
I didn't laugh
it made me
question
myself
she had a woman
OH FIREFLY
I have followed you to the magic grove
& here is Excalibur
that can ONLY
be taken from the rock by someone who is worthy
I AM WORTHY
& then Arthur pops UP and says -- THIS is MINE
& she says
NO IT'S
NOT
I MEAN
if the magical firefly led me there
I'm afraid
I'm not
taking some RANDO's word for it
BUT
it still made me feel
the "you are nothing special"
that deborah told me
what SEEMED like regularly
though it was probably
FEWER times than
it felt like
dis-identify with the archetype
it's a fair criticism
I guess
BUT
I'm unable to laugh at it
because it ignores what I consider to be
a strength
the ability to still be able to believe in myself
when so many
don't believe
in themselves at all
& I do have battles sometimes
BUT
I MEAN
MAGIC FIREFLY
DUH
