Tuesday, December 30, 2025

good morning sweetheart (edited)

as I ask this morning 
what did he THINK about THAT 
was it weird 
is THIS 
NOT 
what he's looking for from me

instead of tarot
I thought 
runes
let me ask the digital runes

because MAYBE that gives a bigger picture or something 

the runes
we're a BAD IDEA 

THORN & something else obstacle-y
unwanted, difficult, yucky

I'm LIKE 
I MEAN, can it really be THAT bad
I feel like I've mentioned it before, not a secret, not never mentioned 
BUT 
maybe NOW is a bad time
MAYBE 
it's offensive that I fell asleep while saying it

whatever 
I asked the tarot
& it said 
the LOVERS

& this explains why I ask the tarot
& NOT the runes

I feel like 
the runes always 
are always 
telling me exactly what I don't want to hear

the tarot
OFTEN tells me something 
ambiguous or that I don't understand 
SOMETIMES it tells me what I want to hear
BUT 
I never feel like it is just 
f*CKing with me

MAYBE 
it's just the facade runes that hate me
I just found another one
& it said GEBO

which is LIKE gift
but less specifically gift than
look for the best outcome
win/win
balance harmony

BUT 
it always makes me think about
a manager trainee I had
at starbucks 

I would always talk to the truck drivers who brought the plant order
they didn't work for starbucks 
they worked for the freight company 
BUT 
they were bringing stuff in
I appreciated it
& it seemed
natural to talk to them
there was this one

he was having a hard time with life
so maybe I talked to him a little bit MORE 

& this RMT (retail manager trainee)
(who I liked, btw)
she would always make me
SUPER uncomfortable 
by saying 
EVERY time 

he looks like
he wants to give you "the gift"

which she had to
EXPLAIN to me 

& I begged her to STOP because it made me
SO uncomfortable 

BUT 
I THINK 
she THOUGHT 
I was not being honest about the discomfort 

just the WHOLE concept 

the IDEA of giving someone 
the IDEA that my being friendly was
GENERATING

something I needed to then
WORRY about 

SO
MAYBE 
that taints that runes too
I'm never sure how all that works
personal interpretation 
& history 

I think 
MAYBE 
a tool like that
is ONLY useful if you use it OFTEN 

connect with the divination tool over time
if you just casually pick it up
maybe, with runes, it's got schadenfreude and it's LIKE 
oooo let's f*CK with this b*tch