The plan
Quit Starbucks
Do something else
Be happy and productive
Stay lucid
Don't get bogged down in negativity
Maintain self-esteem
Take calculated risks
No your limits but only the real ones not the fear-induced ones
What makes me happy
Teaching
Talking
Analyzing
Making things better prettier more complete
Creating something out of nothing
Solving the riddle of people or situations
Being the one others come to
The smell of the ocean
Awareness of beauty
Poignancy
Double entenders
Denoument
Shopping
New places
Textures
Early mornings
Dusk
Letters
Good Cinema
Good books
Good conversation
Colors
Ideas
Cultural analysis
Meeting goals
Figuring out ways around rules
Structure not too rigid
Subversiveness
Consensus
Being boss
Not having to make all the decisions
Kissing
Tenderness
Passion
and that seems to have been all I wrote on that list but that's quite a list
Okay this is some in that same book a few pages later
You know sometimes it tells you something about yourself The people you gather around you The people I've hired to work for me are so dear to me that I almost don't want to quit this soul stripping job but they are as well as being smart hard-working and caring a broken group of expatriates from self-esteem
Okay and a little bit later
I didn't die at 27 I'm still alive 5 years later and I'm somewhat more sane and somewhat more confident but perhaps no more channeled
I feel directionless a single point through which could be drawn with no second point to connect to
if I have a talent for something then exercising it would be a good idea before I lose the muscles to flex it
I frighten myself
it's as though I'm putting my life back together after a divorce or drug addiction I'm just a slow starter on the first one
If it's fear of failure then surely I understand that I'm failing now but I play it safe by not risking I live a lowest common denominator life
