I did laundry
I planned better
I had thought
I'd just KINDA wing it old SKOOL rather than plan because that's all spontaneous
BUT
then I remembered
THAT works better when you're wandering
BUT
the one place
I had stayed there with mom once
the other place
seemed somewhat gratuitous tacky
I couldn't get behind there were places
they didn't seem limited
I thought maybe
there were other options not on the booking site
I was gonna see
TODAY'S eyes
SAID
NO
not a good idea -- look again
& I found
AGAIN
the first place I had seen that went away
& was more than I wanted
BUT
seemed like a place I would LIKE
& the thing is
SOMETIMES
a place can VIBE you into a mindset
& this LAST BIT
with my mom has been a little
INTENSE
I took a chance with a cake
it was CALLED
a Mardi gras cake
BUT
it wasn't a king cake
& I don't KNOW
WHAT is a Mardi gras cake
it's got layers
it's got
FLAVORS I can't identify
in the m.g. colors
& in the icing
it had
SUGAR
on the sides large grains
colored LIKE blue-y green
& on TOP a crystal
FLAKE SUGAR
it glittered like snow
& coffee
with powdered milk
I watched superman kinda because of my pen
BUT
I noticed different things
partly because
small screen
BUT
honestly
I think I've changed since I saw it
& I mean the context in which I'm watching it
has ALSO changed
I engaged with the "f*CKing b*tch" group trigger
but didn't really get triggered
I got some birthday wishes
& I enjoyed them
& I enjoyed
CANADA
& the pen is from canada
& I used it for writing
LISTS
I watched a handful of --- keep it up cutie vids
she's a stand-up
I really enjoy them
they don't SEEM like I'd like them
I never liked the
I'm good enough, smart enough, & gosh darn it people like me
HERS
are funny
BUT
like hey
don't be thinking this is supposed to be
like falling off a log
I'm not looking for validation
BUT
the I'm so frickin proud of you
is like a replacement line
OR
just to add it into the
CACOPHONY
I enjoyed
the whole process
of choosing and planning and doing the things
at my pace
I engaged with the ideas
without overthinking it
without having to
see myself
inside
it
I'm not sure that conveys the experience well
BUT
I'm trying to get it
it feels detached
BUT
then I'm crying at superman
I don't have it all figured out
I'm trying to remember to bend my knees
it was a good day
BUT
you can't see in my HEAD
SO
I'm trying to
DESCRIBE
I gotta sleep though
I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart
I feel like I'm not
REALLY
making any sense
just little fragments
I love those little houses
I saw a thing about the bears
they were putting
CHEESE GRATERS
on their heads
I've seen the cheese hats
I've never seen the
GRATERS
I should have looked it up
I'll look it up now
probably an important
GAME
