was the conversation I had with my mother
BEFORE we went to the ER
after she did her FIRST
what I believe to be
FAKE FALL
I was making her walk around with a walker
& get up and down out of her chair
TRYING to get her to STRENGTHEN her legs
& trying to access her condition
which honestly SEEMED FINE
I thought it was a LARGELY psychosomatic
reaction to the stress of making a decision about the heart surgery that was looming
she had an appointment with the surgeon
I TOLD her AGAIN
BECAUSE
she was being very closed mouthed about her
FEAR
but very LOUD about how she wasn't
willing to do what I was trying to
get her to DO
to build her strength back up
EXCERPT --
what I've been trying to do here
is rebuild our relationship
you can't do anything about what happened in the past, but you CAN CHANGE what you do from here on out
I never look at my life and say
I WISH this or that had happened
NOT REALLY
because I ALWAYS do the best I can with the information and abilities I have in the situation
I LIKE who I AM
& I wouldn't CHANGE who I AM
& I wouldn't BE this person
if things had happened
DIFFERENTLY
SO
I'm NOT saying
I want you to have been different in the PAST
BUT
I HAVE been trying to HEAL THINGS
& THIS TIME
is what we have LEFT
SO
WHAT DO you WANT to DO with the rest of your LIFE -- what would the EXTRA time you might get from the surgery mean to you
WHAT would you DO with it
& do you have
ANYTHING
you want to talk about
