if I was BETTER at
NOT ruminating
by which
I guess I particularly mean
playing things
OVER
and over
and over
in my HEAD
& ALSO looking for SOMETHING in the WORDS
I don't WANT to
BUT
I don't WANT to pick my face either
yesterday
I texted my mom
good morning
call your apartments and get the rent amount
and I'm using fun emojis
BOTH
to get her attention
& to make it
LESS like
I'm telling her what to do
she doesn't respond
more emojis -- please respond
I'm taking my "official" tone
they don't open until TEN
I text her at ten after ten --
OK it's ten
call them, get the amount, write the check
please let me know when this is completed
the social worker called me
monday or tuesday probably on the move to the REHAB center
SO
I drive over
I go up
I tell her about the conversation with the social worker and the move to the REHAB
SO you've done your BIG IMPORTANT things
& NOW you're going to enjoy your January second OFF
I look at her incomprehensibly
ARE YOU
MANAGING
to get ANY WRITING done
OH you can stay and visit as long as you like
I'm about to go do an exercise activity
at two or two thirty
she says
DID you get fed yesterday, I asked
because she had this big story about how they were all going to be left
UNATTENDED on the first -- they wouldn't even be given FOOD
YES
three whole meals
& then launches into this story of talking to a woman at breakfast
-- she fell out of the bed --
---- no one could hear her SCREAMING ----
even though SHE could hear THEM screaming to each other in the hallway
is this STORY true
I don't really believe it
& it sounds like
something SHE would be making up
SO
she's your new best friend
NO
I hope I never have to hear from her
AGAIN
OH
why is that
it's an upsetting story
THAT is TRUE
& I think that's WHY I'm hearing it NOW
then later she's telling me a STORY about
an old woman
who has a full time care giver
---- needed to be FED
& a younger woman who couldn't have been her daughter, she must have been grand daughter or maybe even great grand daughter she came with HER children to see grandma
& the children four years old and eight months
were ENCHANTED with grandma
I don't understand the significance of the age of the children, I say
EIGHT MONTHS old!?
then she wants her aid to take her to the
exercise activity
we need to tell someone to find her
they're VERY inefficient here
there's a guy
well tell him --
YOU tell him
SO
her aid comes back to check on her
& doesn't have any clue what she's talking about
checks with someone
& is LIKE
there's a happy hour event downstairs in the residence at three
OH -- OK -- FINE -- she wants to be taken -- NOW
HERE is WHAT
YOU'RE GONNA DO
I BRISTLE inside, but she's not talking to ME
her aid is LIKE
do you want to change clothes
NO
SO
we go downstairs
it's TWO
no one is there for the three o'clock event
WELL
there's NO POINT in STAYING if there's
NO ONE HERE
I thought, I said
the POINT
was to be in a different place
looking at different stuff
UNTIL
your event STARTED
NO
TAKE ME
BACK UPSTAIRS
OK
well
I'm going
I love you
bye
