I NEED to CLARIFY
the trip to VEGAS was not a trip
I took to GET to YOU
YOU helped me
in the TIME of danger
BUT
we're in NO WAY the source
of that DANGER
the THING that I regret
is not that it didn't work out
to marry you or whatever
I have NEVER known what the mission IS
it is ENTIRELY possible
that whatever I was supposed to do
FOR you is already done
HOWEVER
I feel like that is probably NOT the whole story
I REALLY feel like
WE are some sort of IMPORTANT unit
if I am supposed to write something
I ONLY want to write to YOU
I GET that you want to ACTIVATE me
BUT
the more you try to DIRECT that
the more you RISK
well, everything really
the more you emphasize FAST
the more I think
you are looking to EXIT
if you want to EXIT
you can't worry about FIXING me first
if you DON'T want to exit
then just FEEL how you feel
& let me feel how I feel
BUT
it's not going to be easy
to take the FULL onslaught of emotion
& the try to reign back my response
to ONLY see it as intangible
AND
I have NO way to gauge the WATER level
SO I feel like
PLAYFUL is the direction to go
NOT serious
RESET
doesn't seem to me to equal
FULL VOLUME right
I am not just worried about how YOU see me
I have to worry about how I SEE you too
& the THING I wanted to GET to
that I would consider to
I don't want to say failed
BUT
am surprised at
is how well you have kept me OUT
ya know
I treasure every ACTUAL
BUT I am apparently willing to
bare my SOUL to who the f*CK ever
just to be able to TALK to YOU
it's weird & disorienting
BUT
it's working through the daddy & deborah issues
MAYBE none of this is NEW
I tend to think
if I said it ONCE like fifteen YEARS ago
then ASKED & ANSWERED
BUT
MAYBE not
I LOVE you VERY much
👾🫚
