this put a lot of emphasis on girls
& YOU are not a girl
BUT
the relationships with men
they WEREN'T men
they were boys
& they aren't
SUPER useful as examples
but I'm NOT just
REALLY a confused lesbian
WOMEN feel more dangerous
I'm SURE there are women I wouldn't find
DANGEROUS
but I've never been attracted to any
& I met you like a year year and a half after NIKKI
SO I haven't had occasion to find out
my experience with men is
they can't be too like macho mansplainy
or I can't deal
I can't FEEL COMFORTABLE with
the gender extremes
& I TEND to be resistant PUSH BACK
at any attempt to get me CLOSER to the binary
Tracey was quite masculine looking
BUT for whatever reason
she was pushing me BUTCHer
SO
I started wearing FLORAL PRINTS
I GOTTA find my spot ya know
& I don't think it's SUPER masc, really
I'm NOT trying to be a MAN
BUT I can't handle
the IDEA of WOMAN either
it's too MUCH
I'm a PERSON and I don't think there's
ANYTHING wrong with THAT
I tried to tell you early on
BUT now the culture has KINDA caught up
so maybe you get it
OR
I mean
MAYBE you don't
I don't really have any way to TELL
I HAVE had some re-evaluation of the Portland
BRAIN BREAK situation
as well as the precipitating stuff
that made me be all like
I NEED to get some blah blah here
so maybe I have some new THEORIES
about your motivations generally
that are better than then
BUT
generally I still feel like
we BOTH kinda think that the other one
understands MORE
than either of us actually do
AND I can tell you
EVERYTHING about me
BUT that won't give me that Rosetta 🪨
I keep looking for
where I understand what you NEED
what you REALLY want
& THAT is what I transact in generally
SO I have no idea even
exactly what I need to tell you
AND
I don't want to tell EVERYBODY everything
I don't think that's unreasonable
I also have IDEAS about what you WANT
but I can't ask you
BECAUSE
AGAIN with the not telling EVERYBODY
EVERYTHING
SO with the new like RECALIBRATION
what I THINK
YES totally do-able
BUT
🤷🤷♀️🤷♂️
