returning the car
sleep MUCH
BUT
I was thinking
that mohawk is like
the ESSENCE of
I'm not sure what to call it
not BAR that's like
weak sauce
I'm talking
strange underground CLUBS
in LONDON
MIXED with the punk club I went to in college
when they were CLOSING
they'd turn the LIGHTS ON
& scream GET
the f*CK
OUT
MIXED
with that crepe place
in SANTA CRUZ
I was watching some SCREEN
there was a f*CKing band
CALLED
BULLSHIT DETECTOR
HOW have I NEVER
even thought about THAT
eXcellent band name
I tipped the bartender KINDA
an eXtreme amount
because she*
I was fine when I got there
it had been a rough afternoon
but I was ME ya know
SO I'm completely CHARMED
by the place
I go up to the BARTENDER
is there some special DRINK
that you're especially GOOD at
she's like
we don't really have SPECIALS
and TWO of the GUYS at the bar say
EVERYTHING
she makes
is GOOD
OH I say
in THAT case I will have
a MARGARITA
SWEET she asks
I SHAKE my HEAD violently
the guy at my end of the bar
looks RIGHT at me
& says LIMEY
I NOD vigorously
I am VIBING
with PEOPLE
she makes a drink skewed sweeter than I make
I AM A LIME freak
& besides she's using COINTREAU
it is SHORT LIST, ok
so I'm sipping my drink
& I'm just barely anything when this guy
I cannot AVOID & I KNOW
I DO WANT to avoid him
& blah blah blah
oh but isn't that happening tomorrow
you drove up to Austin**
WHAT ARE YOU some kind of groupie
& he was the SECOND totally
UNPROVOKED
Arkansas***
I got away from him as quick as I could
& I didn't even REALIZE but
THAT'S what set me OFF
since the beginning
it's been an issue
& it just DOVETAILED so
PERFECTLY
with all the girly AM I NOT PRETTY ENOUGH
I couldn't NOT feel the PAIN
NOT that you ever promised me ANYTHING
in FACT
I don't think I've EVER told you
I'm VERY impressed
by SPECIFICALLY
THAT is HARD to do
BUT there were
ALL these PARTS of you
EXPERIENCES
I WANTED
whether you promised em or not
doesn't really matter
it still HURTS
& I couldn't do what I wanted to do
with you
& have any kind of life
it took too much time
WHY I kept emphasizing
these were CHOICES
I was MAKING them
BUT
I did that thing I do
NOBODY gives a sh*t about ME
& when I'm skewed
& I don't have like a Rosetta 🪨
DEFAULT is mocking/using
cause you go with the HITS
I had to GET BACK to
YOU
(continuing)
*let me back up
**like that's so fucking far
***I'm so sorry to that nice man in Arkansas but the name is too good and he responded very kindly to the well I really don't like to refer to myself with that term, but it's forever gonna be an unprovoked Arkansas once I saw that
