didn't USUALLY
interact at all
they sh*t talked each other plenty
BUT
when they DID talk
it was CLEAR to ME that there was a whole
SOUP
or STEW or SOMETHING
going on
BENEATH the SURFACE
that I didn't completely understand
they were FIGHTING
or at LEAST
sh*t talking AT each other
BUT
they ALSO
SEEMED
to be
POSSIBLY
flirting
it was
MEAN
& SUPER upsetting to ME
& I would
BEG them
with increasing
DISTRESS
NOT
to do THAT
in FRONT of ME
it REALLY upset ME
didn't they
CARE
& they DID NOT
whatever that bullsh*t WAS
it was SUPER MORE important to them
than MY feelings
deborah
WELL
she sh*t talked my mom
BUT
she ALSO sh*t talked my gran gran
and for the longest time
she called me
THANN
because my middle name is ann
& when you say it all together
it SOUNDS like
first name THANN last name to ME
and this STARTED
when I was LIKE
four and a half and hadn't learned to write my name, and besides I don't think I wrote my middle name in kindergarten just my first and last I think and THAT was enough
SO
I CORRECTED her
my middle name is THANN
& THAT
became EMBLEMATIC of my
UPPITY-ness
BUT
in FAIRNESS
I DID think to myself
the FIRST time I met her
I don't THINK
she's as smart as I am
& she's an
ADULT
SO
I felt like
it was NOT promising
WHY hadn't he married
oh sh*t
I can't REMEMBER her name now
when I asked him
he said it was because she slept with
BLACK men
which was MAYBE the ONLY sort of racist thing
my daddy ever said
BUT
it was I decided
& I'm not sure how long it took me
by EIGHT for SURE
that this was
EITHER
JUST
some excuse
OR
some kind of insecurity
BUT
it wasn't the REAL reason
FRAN
maybe her name was Fran
SHE f*CKing LOVED me
I think when it came down to it
HE
NEEDED
somebody to take care of ME
& deborah
an eighteen year old topless waitress
moved to the big city from the trailer park
out in STAFFORD
SHE was what he could GET
