when we meet
NEXT
the topic might be
my brother is a d*ckhead
BUT
it's also possible
that I'll be completely
OVER that and
not want to talk about it
I feel bad about jason
I keep hoping
he stops being a d*ckhead
I was thinking about the
one of his heroes
THING
I used to try to take him places
BUT
I NEVER had a lot of money
SO
I usually used coupons
which embarrassed him
I don't like it when you use coupons
DON'T
&
I'm LIKE
HEY
if you want to PAY for yourself FINE
BUT
if I'm paying
I NEED to use
COUPONS
he ALSO
pretty much ALWAYS thought
wherever I wanted to go
was LAME
there was this one
SUPER cool
MEXICAN place
he would NOT go
he was in high school
THEN like five years later
he was like
HEY
I'm gonna be in town
MEET me here
it's SUPER cool
&
I'm LIKE
YOU CANNOT BE SERIOUS
it was the place he wouldn't go before
when I was having
REAL problems with
DEPRESSION
he was LIKE
YEAH
depression just doesn't
WORK for ME
you just need to DECIDE
NOT to
BUT
when his high school & college girlfriend
WANTED him to get a job
& settle down
HAVE babies
he spewed SO MUCH vitriol
I thought he
MIGHT
SOMEHOW
be related to my mom
SHE made me
QUESTION
MY SPECIALNESS
he has
a PATTERN of
behavior
that doesn't let me be
ENCOURAGED
remember when he came to town
even though I didn't have any notice
I gave him three days
I made three
COMPLETE days available to him
& THEN
when he finally got back to me
because EVERYONE else had to be scheduled first, of course
he came back with
WE HAD to do Christmas NIGHT
AND I'm LIKE
NO
THAT is NOT
ONE of the three available days
SO he squeezed me in for
BRUNCH
the day he was leaving
when I visited him
he found out I smoked
& he immediately went to dad
& was like
SEE
I'M the BEST CHILD
like dad would hold smoking against me
THAT was deborah
who would go to other people's houses and tell them they couldn't smoke in their own house
jason was
I THINK
jealous of how MUCH
dad talked about me
BUT
I GUESS
he's
FORGIVEN me
although he
NEVER mentioned it
he's pretty messed up
& I WISH he was
NOT
BUT
I am not going to
DROP my boundaries
& NOW
I trust him
MUCH LESS than I did before
SO
it becomes less likely that we ever get close
jason MEANS HEALER
UmmmKay
