late

my g*d

why do I not go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶 goodnight 

all apologies

if I am the most selfish person 

in the history of the world 

I LOVE and forgive myself 

if I have failed to 

make something of myself 

on my own

without help

& have

INSTEAD 

needed help

& then

failed to 

PROPERLY 

live up to the intended quid quo pro

SORRY not SORRY 

I have done my best

not to promise 

MORE

than I could deliver

& HISTORICALLY 

I have pushed myself to the point of self injury 

to live up to

not just what I promised 

BUT 

to fulfill 

EVERY EXPECTATION 

that I could 

DETECT

I apologize to myself for THAT 

would it OFFEND you if I said you were a good daughter?

I guess 

I've been having some problems 

my mother 

has moved into

FULL ON

trying to elicit attention from the

possibly I'm having 

OPEN HEART SURGERY 

& she was just casually mentioning to donna 

how I was staying at her apartment and taking care of her afterwards 

& I'm LIKE 

I CAN'T actually STAY at your place

there IS NO PLACE 

for me to STAY

NOT even STARTING on

YOU haven't ASKED me 

& I TOLD you 

I WASN'T gonna BE your CARETAKER 

& THIS GOES BACK

when SHE wasn't doing sh*t for her parents 

SHE SAID 

I do not expect you to take care of me

I will hire people to do that

you just have to

CHECK IN

to make SURE they aren't 

ABUSING me

SHE had bob go to all the facilities possible 

she gave all these reasons why she 

COULDN'T 

BUT 

she didn't take care of him

OR Shirley

& EVERY STEP 

of this journey 

I have SAID 

I WILL NOT be your CARE giver

I FIND caregiving 

STRESSFUL 

when it's someone mildly grateful and kind

BUT 

SHE barks orders

& is ABUSIVE 

PLUS 

I can barely take the groceries in

without becoming 

APOPLECTIC 

from the revolting rotting dishes

& rotting food in the fridge 

which I started out trying to deal with 

& ended in my telling her

I WOULD NOT 

I'm NOT LIVING there

WE HAD ALREADY discussed 

she would go to a nursing facility to recuperate 

& she was trying to 

SHAME FORCE me by telling SOMEONE else 

BLAH blah BLAH 

there is more STORY 

when we were at her primary 

WAITING 

she's LIKE 

did jason ever leave you alone

& I'm LIKE 

the point

wasn't that he was bugging me 

the POINT was

he was COMING AT me

in a WAY 

that was LIKE 

he EXPECTED me to DO SOMETHING 

BASED on 

you are this ROLE

& I EXPECT 

X,Y,Z behavior based on your BEING that ROLE

regardless of what our

ACTUAL RELATIONSHIP is 

THAT

was my problem with jason 

when I had told her

when I was telling her

there is something wrong with me

& if you want to help me 

HELP me

BUT 

I'm not gonna DO THAT for YOU 

we talked

& she said something I didn't mention before 

she's LIKE 

that's FINE 

if you CAN

SHE thinks I'm TOO NICE 

TOO ACCOMMODATING 

that I'll CAVE and take care of her

& I MIGHT have

taken care of her

IF she WAS 

the lovely

innocent old lady that she tries to pretend to be

BUT 

the only way I'm doing any of it

is it insurance WON'T pay for it

& THEN 

she better not 

EXPECT 

better care than my checking in on her

& LEAVING if she's ABUSIVE 

BUT 

I do FEEL 

SOME KINDA way 

about all that

& I've had to go back and forth

about how that is 

NOT 

bitter grievance 

this is a LONG STANDING agreement 

that she has had TIME to adjust to

UNLIKE 

various issues 

with her treatment of me

in the PAST

I will NOT put myself in a position 

where I'm HIGHLY likely to 

want to UNALIVE myself 

to make her

FEEL 

some kinda way

I LOVE me

& I guess if I'm her daughter

SHE shouldn't EXPECT me to have 

CAPACITIES

that she herself doesn't have 

PLUS 

she's had forty-five years to make other plans

thoughts

I LOVE you 

I went to work club 

I had thoughts

IDEAS

I don't seem to have 

SAID ANYTHING 

I don't think I can explain 

exactly where my

HEAD is AT

I hope everything is better than you imagined 

I have been thinking about 

what kissing you 

would FEEL like 

I'm gonna think about THAT going to sleep 

goodnight sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

sleep time

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

🫶

I FEEL so 

grateful for you 

right now

today

I'm listening to 

a book on

WRITING 

by the guy who wrote fight club

I'm enjoying it 

& GET THIS 

his main mentor writing teacher

he LIVED with him

in this derelect

house

the previous owner

had lined the walls with plastic 

kept it HUMID for the

ORCHIDS 

all the floorboards were

in varrying degrees

of ROT

I'm LIKE 

THAT is basically the house on 

PAPER street 

I took a BATH 

I was supposed to go to 

RESCHEDULED therapy 

BUT 

I got the news

EARLY ENOUGH to not have taken a shower YET 

& the rhythm of the day 

SEEMED

to be 

processing 

& information gathering 

what's the sun like where you are

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

more analysis

the coffee thing

she is always 

TELLING me 

HOW 

to micro-managingly DO things

she KNOWS it BUGS me

& normally, historically 

it would get

a RISE out of ME 

DO YOU 

typically tell people that they don't 

NEED to HURRY 

when there hasn't been 

ANY CONTEXT

SAYING YES

I had planned to do that

isn't the

WRONG thing to SAY

I had NO IDEA that there was ANY RUSH

isn't the WRONG thing to SAY

if there WAS no rush

you'd think 

something LIKE 

yeah, no there's not

NOT 

HOW do I KNOW 

I'm not your 

MIND READER 

SEEMS slightly UNHINGED 

I'm AWARE 

again

AGREEING with you 

SO

I MEAN 

at FACE VALUE 

DOES this conversation MAKE SENSE 

NOW

I'm gonna admit

AFTER all THAT

I sat there 

and WROTE 

that post

WHILE I drank the

COFFEE 

& THAT

WAS MAYBE 

a little BIT of a dominance 

FLEX

long ramble-y thoughts

I just find her

SO 

irritating 

I DO remind myself 

that she is

BROKEN 

BUT 

I just find the

attempts

at getting me to 

BEHAVE in a certain way 

by prodding me a certain way 

AND THEN 

I say

are you SURE you are not behaving 

SOME KINDA way 

& I'm LIKE 

I ABSOLUTELY AM behaving SOME kinda WAY

I'm following 

to the BEST of my

ABILITY 

that CHASE guy

HOW 

to MAINTAIN 

I'm NOT reacting to ANYTHING 

I'm LETTING there

BE SILENCE 

I used to

TALK to ENTERTAIN her

BUT 

it EXHAUSTED me

& SHE 

made it

CLEAR 

I WASN'T 

entertaining 

for years

SO

I talk if I have something to say 

BUT 

often I don't really 

if she talks to ME I always answer 

I'm --

however I AM --

EXCEPT 

as much as possible 

MAINTAINING 

when she

irritates me 

I'm not trying to be an as*h*le

BUT 

I'm 

NOT 

treating her like I would 

USUALLY in the

PAST

ANY

of the WAYS from the PAST

I WAS KINDA trying to FOLLOW the EXAMPLE of

HOW SHE treated ME

THAT got PROBLEMATICAL

because it FOCUSED me

in a WAY I thought 

REINFORCED 

some of my

PROBLEMS 

SO

I'm just 

KINDA

over

a LOT of the behavior that she may or may not be AWARE of

I'm trying to be

"normal"

OR

SUPER 

but it is possible that I'm only doing 

BETTER 

BUT 

for SURE 

I'm doing better 

I don't UNDERSTAND the question 

WHY

in the world would I be

OFFENDED

to be called a good daughter 

BUT 

WHEN

did she care about offending me

it SEEMS like

a trick question 

LIKE 

EVERYTHING offends ME

would it be

OK

miss HIGH and mighty

can you TAKE a COMPLIMENT 

it doesn't make SENSE and I'm not looking to

CONTRIBUTE to whatever 

AND THEN I'm LIKE 

are you just being 

MEAN

and grievance-y

YOU 

started over with her

ALL this STUFF 

is CURRENT 

STUFF 

I MEAN not 💯 because 

TRIGGERs

BUT 

I'm not looking for vengeance 

I'm looking for 

CLOSURE 

today

I don't like how this dried

it was much more vibrant 

not sure what to do next

this is what I worked on today 

we'll see how it dries

she's trying to fight, I think, who can say, geez

you can take your time with that coffee

I'm not in any rush

thank you

I had planned to 

it never occurred to me that we were in any hurry

I don't know what might or might not have

OCCURRED to you

I'm not your mind reader 

I have noticed that

will I EVER 

IN the LIFE

be able to say the right thing to you

I don't understand that question 

almost forgot the title that time (this is from earlier, I decided I needed an edit but it's not worth reading again)

good morning sweetheart 

I am with c*nty again today 

BUT 

studio instead of

DOCTOR 

I will say

the mouth noises approach is helpful 

BUT 

she doesn't make any sense 

I hope you are having 

ADVENTURES 

I hope you are 

ENJOYING 

your interactions with 

your travel 

COMPANION 

close proximity to other humans can be

a rollercoaster 

I'm having to

accept all these negative emotions 

as being how I really feel 

& I'm not really 

LIKING it 

I looked up

WHY does my mother 

DISGUST me 

& it VERY helpfully listed OUT 

LIKE a whole list of things 

ALL of which applied

SO

I guess it does make SENSE but the thing is

I don't WANT to be all

SOAKING in 

my negative thoughts about her

I just want to get away from her

& I'm thinking that

this need to be

AWAY from 

my family of origin 

it's not 

GREAT

BUT 

I'm not sure the level of detachment necessary to not be disturbed by it would be good either 

I JUST 

KEEP thinking 

HOW do I FIX 

ME

where I can just

DEAL with it 

without 

having to work myself all up to

I DON'T CARE

because EVEN if I HATE her

which I'm NOT saying I do

I STILL 

CARE about her

SOMEHOW 

I just don't want to SEE her or HEAR her

OR 

WHATEVER 

it's a WHOLE process 

BUT 

I'm uncertain 

WHAT

I'm AIMING 

FOR 

I heard season of the witch and now I can't get it outta my head

I'm not TALK-Y but I'm 

THINKING about you 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶🫶🫶

strange

would it OFFEND you

if I CALLED you

a good 

daughter 

she ASKED me 

I don't understand your question 

I shoulda BEEN SLEEP

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

goodnight 🫶🫶🫶

thoughts on some emotions

I'm not sure 

that is

ONE

is

FEELING anxiety

the thing to do

is ASK 

yourself 

WHY

THAT 

is what I would typically do 

WHY are you ANXIOUS 

talk myself down 

BUT 

I'm doing all this nervous system rebooting 

I think I have got to EXPECT 

SOME 

free floating emotions in the system 

& F*CK

there's plenty to be anxious about in the world 

SO

if ya START 

LISTING 

that just feeds in EXTRA stuff that wasn't even IT

ya KNOW 

MAYBE 

JUST 

FEEL it

without having to 

ATTRIBUTE 

second rule of work club

therapy cancelled 

I'm having some pretty intense 

ANXIETY 

BUT 

I have NOW 

MADE it

to WORK 

CLUB 

SO

PROBABLY 

I'll CALM the f*CK DOWN 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶 🫶 🫶 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

hopefully therapy tomorrow

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart

🫶🫶🫶

🔥

coffee

I had

a LOT of 

DREAMS 

and we were interacting 

at least MARGINALLY in a BUNCH of em I think 

BUT 

the ONE I REMEMBER 

WAS 

you were sitting down

with your legs

EXTENDED

straight in front of you

with a cup of 

COFFEE 

resting on you

THIGH

& I was resting my head in your lap

& I took a SIP of the COFFEE 

LIKE that was NO problem 

WE were JUST 

SO RELAXED 

& COMFORTABLE 

BUT 

DEEPLY 

physically 

INTIMATE 

& I keep 

THINKING about that DREAM 

I hope you have a beautiful day sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶 🫶 🫶 

goodnight sweetheart

I'm going to sleep 

I hope

the

MAGIC 

has been with you 

&

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

👾🫚🍀☁️☕🔥🫶🫶🫶

❤️

small things

I had another victory 

I THINK 

BUT 

I forgot to mention it 

I had TWO boxes

in my car

that I was gonna take

to goodwill 

it was 

STUFF 

but it was stuff that I had some trouble with 

I KNEW if I looked at it AGAIN 

I'd probably 

CARRY 

it back inside 

I couldn't 

DEAL

with going to goodwill 

& I couldn't 

deal with driving 

with those boxes in the front seat

I didn't want to carry them 

BACK in 

I drove them down to the dumpster 

& THREW 

them 

AWAY 

I had a long dream

I DREAMED 

about 

& I think it's possible that 

I DREAMED 

about this last night 

TOO

BUT 

for sure it was

the WHOLE night

on a LONG 

SLEEP 

the COLOR powders

that you apply to your face

LIKE makeup

BUT 

to ENHANCE 

MOOD

& HAPPINESS 

there was ALSO a LOT of adjacent bits

about dressing up 

& the physical boundaries 

between areas

& stuff

LIKE 

there was one part

where I was

WAITING 

because they were

REBUILDING 

a GATE or SOMETHING 

possibly something to do with trans-ness

there was SOMETHING 

where a group of us

we're sitting 

on some stairs

& we're

MOVED

in SOME kind of circular

DOWN around and BACK

BUT 

NOW we had

CHANGED

something about the WAY we

LOOKED

to ENHANCE 

SOMETHING 

I just can't remember 

WHAT

EXACTLY 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

up late

I had a LOT of ANXIETY today 

I took double l-theanine

& it didn't help at all

I had a BUNCH of DREAMS 

LIKE 

MAYBE 

I was watching you

run around 

as a cartoon 

CHARACTER 

MAYBE something else too

I've had WEIRD music in my HEAD 

from HAIR

three FIVE zero ZERO 

~prisioners of Ntown it's a dirty little war~

I'm off FREQUENCY 

BUT 

it SEEMED like 

I got something out of it

WORKED through 

BUT 

I need to go to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

👾🫚🍀☁️☕🔥🫶🫶🫶

there are a lot of things that I would have done differently, if I had been saner when I did them

I FEEL like 

I'm making a LOT of progress 

BECAUSE 

I keep feeling like 

I'm changing into a 

NEW PERSON 

again and again 

is that RIGHT 

I went through a 

WHOLE 

THING 

today 

it

did

NOT 

ALL feel like progress 

a LOT of it FELT like just BARELY managing overwhelm

& I watched a video about Jung's view on

this KINDA reaching BURNOUT as an EMPATH

DISCOVERING 

the shadow 

in a 

potent

WAY

&

TRANSFORMING 

STOP

OVER identifying with the ARCHETYPE 

FIND your TRUE self

busy day

POSSIBLY 

I was WRONG 

about WANTING to FEEL my feelings 

I didn't enjoy it

BUT 

I drove my car

to phonecia (I'm CONFIDENT I spelled that wrong)

BOUGHT big bags of lentils 

AND

went to 

WORK CLUB

BUT 

it was KINDA 

a rough day

I shoulda BEEN SLEEP

goodnight sweetheart 

I LOVE you VERY much

❤️

side effects

and ya KNOW 

I've been 

DOING 

that

TAPPING thing

& there's this

weird SENSATION 

it's a little 

UNsettling because it's INSIDE my chest

it's just like this

SLIP

LIKE 

it didn't 

QUITE manage

the SYNCHRONIZED 

& it's trying to 

SLIP

back in LINE without 

being NOTICED 

clothes line

I KEEP getting -------------- CLOTHES LINE

,,,,,,,,,,,flutter,,,,,,,,,,,,,

SUNLIGHT 

in the 

dark 

corners

I'm trying to not not talk, but I'm having some trouble with the emotions today

I don't WANT to be 

all debbie downer but I'm very emotional 

it

HURTS

that I don't believe my mother loves me

it doesn't 

USUALLY 

hurt

late night

I've had a weird day 

& I'm not sure what I think about it 

I LOVE 

YOU though

❤️

worked on today

she's now

ACTIVELY 

pursuing information on 

SURGERY 

SO

I guess I did

make it 

CLEARER

middle of the night

ALSO

you look great

did I mention that 

I want to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀☁️☕🔥

goodnight ❤️

self therapy sort of

I'm sad about my mom

on multiple 

LEVELS

&

it's DIFFICULT not to become OVERWHELMED 

thinking about 

STUFF 

I'm not going through that stuff 

AGAIN 

AM I gonna 

THROW 

her paintings 

AWAY

I don't WANT to get into that RIGHT NOW 

there are some varrying ideas

in the hopper 

I didn't go to work club today 

I guess 

I needed to process emotions

PROCESSING 

FEAR 

of uncertainty 

is not as 
HARD 

as

AVOIDING feeling that FEAR

THAT is ALWAYS 

FELT like

SOME

SORT

of

ONCOMING 

painful 

OBLITERATION 

I'm not sure I said all that

in the right configuration to make sense 

EVEN 

the WORST 

THINGS 

that are likely to happen to me 

aren't 

THAT bad

I ALSO

didn't used to have the

CONCEPT of 

the OVERWHELM

I KINDA just

PUSHED

I didn't acknowledge 

I'm still figuring it all out 

& I'm still not sure 

I'm totally 

FEELING 

my feelings 

& I want to be 

ALTHOUGH 

another part of me

thinks ALL of this is

JUST

DRAMA

because that is what

EVERYONE 

has said my whole life

& I internalized it 

BUT 

🌊

more thoughts

I am not in the water sisterhood 

I could not do it

TODAY

it is possible 

that today

was

entirely some alternate reality 

STUFF 

I do REALLY like 

the WORK CLUB -- even if there are THINGS that maybe could go BETTER 

I've been thinking all day

well I WATCHED a lot of BITS of VIDEOS 

I'm trying to pick a concealer 

it's weirdly like an obsession 

BUT 

as far as I can tell

I've decided 

I'm on to

something 

I have to

MANAGE the OVERWELM

& I have to 

KEEP 

moving forward 

REMEMBERING 

it's not a straight line

there's a WAY 

everything has to

TIGHTEN up 

BUT 

there's a WAY 

I HAVE to 

USE the FORCE

it's 

HARD

to

DESCRIBE 

I gotta sleep though 

I'm not gonna 

leave a bunch of emojis 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

🫶🫶🫶

you are a 

SUPER 

sight for sore eyes

❤️

CL!CK

the turn signal

on the BUS

SOUNDED

like  

this clicker I had when I was a kid

it looked like

a LADYBUG 

it was 

metal

it made a 

CLICKING 

NOISE

BUT 

it was

INCONGRUENT 

& slightly disorienting on the bus

& when the guy next to me got up

I could SEE

I was 

SITTING 

NEXT to

the ROSA PARKS seat

HONORING her

it was P!NK

I don't know 

WHEN

they started that

SO, after confirming yesterday

he WAS there

he LEFT

SO 

either he

FORGOT 

OR 

something came up

OR

SOMETHING 

BUT 

NO therapy for you little girl 

I'm at WORK CLUB 

people were friendly and helpful

I had to use an app

to open the

DOOR 

&

I don't feel confident in my ability to 

HANDLE that

SO

I STARTED it

& THEN

it seemed like maybe you should do this part

AT the PLACE 

WAS that CORRECT 

I dunno

BUT 

TWO guys helped me

it takes a village 

for ME to

download an App 

I was LIKE 

MAN

I feel OLD

BUT 

it WAS nice

that people 

WANTED to help me

the OVERALL effect 

WAS there was

a MAGICAL 

PORTAL

after I had coffee 

I had a tea

LATER 

&

I had trouble with the FANCY high TECH

DUAL temperature 

WATER dispenser 

it was

FIDDLY

and a woman came over & showed me

she KINDA implied

it was a secret

society now

& I should 

KEEP 

my

EYES OPEN -- show the WAY 

I'm weaving it into a STORY 

she just very nicely came over to show ME 

& SAID 

SOMEONE 

had HAD 

to show 

HER 

SO

LIKE 

it IS FIDDLY

& it was

COOL 

friendly

death watch

NOW

the fact that shirley 

took six years

to die

when she was given six months-ish

MAYBE 

makes her think 

she's good to 

GO

BUT 

shirley didn't live a life she would be happy living 

& she said it was good news 

when she told me she

DIED

& I'm not trying to influence her decisions 

BUT 

they keep telling her

VAGUE 

not making the situation 

CLEAR

& she said some stuff 

BACK a while ago 

she didn't THINK she'd MAKE it 

to NEXT YEAR

which SEEMED to be 

designed to get some response out of me

& THEN 

she SUBSEQUENTLY

doesn't SEEM to REMEMBER 

& she doesn't make SENSE to me 

SO

I don't know 

WHAT

she 

ACTUALLY thinks

BUT 

*sigh*

I forgot I'm trying to do titles

AND

I love the

SMELL

of sunshine in my

CLOTHES

emotions are fun

SINCE 

I'm feeling a little 

SHAKEY

I'll TAKE 

THIS 

WIN

I got that lip balm 

I REALLY 

LIKE it

it's LIKE 

I can

FEEL 

the hyaluronic acid

& the

CONTAINER is beautiful 

I was noticing 

there's a blush and two lipsticks

VISIBLE 

BLUSH 

had not YET arrived 

THIS is WORKING out RIGHT 

let's just throw those 

AWAY 

& I DID 

& the BLUSH is

just right

I got myself 

OVERWHELMED 

though

& I had the just started things

that I'm trying to 

PATTERN

DISRUPT

BUT 

then I FOCUSED on my 

I COVERED a LOT 

of ground 

I THINK 

BUT 

I was gonna TRY 

NOT to think 

about her

BUT 

I was not successful 

&

I'm trying to get 

BACK in 

FLOW

I think it's all out of order now

BUT 

in fairness

BOB 

did all the stuff 

& he just got a blood clot or something 

he WENT THROUGH it 

ALL 

&

dropped over

in his

COFFEE 

SO

I get it

BUT 

I'm STILL not sure if SHE has

I can't READ her THAT WAY 

I CAN READ a bunch of stuff off her

it's LIKE 

she's 

SLIPPERY 

on anything 

FACTUAL 

OR

pertaining to MOTIVE

BUT 

I FEEL 

SO MUCH 

STUFF 

& I'm a little off vibe

it's complicated

AND

I have 

VERY COMPLICATED FEELINGS 

about 

ALL

of it

in fact 

I'm going to sleep soon 

I'm 

EXHAUSTED 

I really LIKE the WORK CLUB 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart  I LOVE you VERY much 🫶 🫶🫶

possibly a repeat, something is def up

NOW

the fact that shirley 

took six years

to die

when she was given six months-ish

MAYBE 

makes her think 

she's good to 

GO

BUT 

shirley didn't live a life she would be happy living 

& she said it was good news 

when she told me she

DIED

& I'm not trying to influence her decisions 

BUT 

they keep telling her

VAGUE 

not making the situation 

CLEAR

& she said some stuff 

BACK a while ago 

she didn't THINK she'd MAKE it 

to NEXT YEAR

which SEEMED to be 

designed to get some response out of me

& THEN 

she SUBSEQUENTLY

doesn't SEEM to REMEMBER 

& she doesn't make SENSE to me 

SO

I don't know 

WHAT

she 

ACTUALLY thinks

BUT 

*sigh*

truth or dare

my mom

she NEVER or at least 

you NEVER 

KNOW 

if she's telling the truth 

SO

it's effectively impossible to 

TRACK anything 

when we were at her cardiologist last

I was trying to get info 

on how MUCH 

SODIUM 

she was allowed to HAVE or some target

& he acted LIKE 

the CONCEPT didn't make any SENSE 

she complained about not feeling great

& he was talking to her

ABOUT surgery 

& she was like

NO

she's on warfarin 

SO 

she has to have her 

BLOOD checked

regularly 

to be SURE it's not TOO thick or thin

NOW

she's having it checked 

to SEE if her

KIDNEYS 

are still 

OKAY 

BUT 

when she complains 

they're LIKE 

THIS 

is what it's like NOW and they twerk the MEDS 

we went to her primary

she had been retaining water

BUT 

we don't really know how much because 

SHE WON'T WRITE ANYTHING DOWN 

I'm LIKE 

I feel like you want me at the doctor 

to ASK the RIGHT 

QUESTIONS

BUT 

I don't know WHY we're HERE 

BUT 

as we were there

& I was talking to her doctor 

I REALIZED what is 

GOING ON

she doesn't want to do the SURGERY to FIX 

her VALVE

& she THINKS she can just

GO ON INDEFINITELY 

on the diuretics 

& the cardiologist 

isn't making it 

CLEAR

even to ME, really 

I keep trying to explain 

she just needs to

MANAGE it

BUT 

she won't, really 

AND

I ASKED her primary 

who she LOVES*

*in the way she loves people who don't argue with her or cross her, or tell her things she doesn't want to know

WHAT

is the ACTUAL situation 

& the doctor said 

BASICALLY 

if she GETS the surgery 

SURE 

she's old and she MIGHT not make it

BUT 

if she DOES 

she will feel better

& probably live for years

if she DOESN'T get it

then she WILL 

HAVE

FAILURE 

& THEN it's EITHER 

an EMERGENCY open heart surgery*

*where the outcome will then be to get it back to almost as good as she's doing now, but definitely no better and possibly not this good

OR

she's ACTIVELY DYING 

& they can give her

DRUGS

for the PAIN 

while she does

I'm LIKE 

I'm not trying to be 

MEAN 

I just don't think she

UNDERSTANDS

I think she thinks she can go on indefinitely like this -- I want her to understand her choices

BECAUSE 

I totally GET

I don't want open heart surgery 

I'mma just live

UNTIL I die

BUT 

SHE WANTS to LIVE

she just doesn't 

want SURGERY 

I texted her saturday 

HOW 

are you doing 

FINE

I just dropped off my 2023 taxes 

NOW

I didn't KNOW 

she was

BEHIND 

on her

TAXES

SO

this just SEEMED super random to me

BUT 

I'm pretty sure 

she's NOT 

THINKING about her

MORTALITY 

& her life decisions

AND

I just don't know what to say to 

I just dropped off 

LAST year's TAXES 

in the place where

EMOTIONS 

we're

EXPECTED 

second rule of work club

I'm AT

WORK CLUB 

my therapist 

SAYS 

he's 

good to go

for tomorrow 

I'm having some 

EMOTIONS

around 

STRESS

& uncertainty 

BUT 

TALKING about them

is

not what I want to do 

I want to 

GROUND 

MYSELF 

I'll TRY to 

SAY 

something about it tonight 

MAYBE 

I'd LIKE to 

UNIVERSAL-IZE it

& I don't think I'm 

THERE 

YET

🫶🫶🫶

SORRY 

I'll talk tomorrow 

🫶🫶🫶

I feel weird that I'm trying to get my mom to engage with reality

took mom to the doctor today 

I FIND

I'm PROCESSING 

I'm not sure 

I'm gonna be

all that

TALK-Y

❤️

friday slightly after noon

they censored my comments 

about my

HAPPINESS 

over

DISH soap in BAR form

PRODUCT --  placement 

& my attempt

to re-CONNECT with

my physical 

FORM

through 

COMPRESSION 

I'm NOT SURE 

WHAT

the problem was 

night thoughts

This summary is not available. Please click here to view the post.

up too late Friday morning

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

blush again

that CARGO swimmables 

I got it in a 

BOXED

SET

I ALMOST 

threw it AWAY 

WITHOUT 

EVEN

trying it on

THAT

is 

HOW MUCH

PUSHBACK 

to

P!NK

it was the

SHEEN

that won me over

to TRY it 

on my 

FACE

evening on thursday wobble

NO 

I read the email again 

& I don't THINK 

that's what 

they are

TALK

ING

A

BOUT

I WILL 

START

putting the title in -- although I need to THINK of some way to NOT HAVE to THINK UP

SOME clever bullsh*t

EVERY time 

you 

KNOW 

the capitalization is not just some word stress thing, right

it LARGELY about 

the way it LOOKS like concrete poetry

PLUS 

it's easier on the 

EYE

I have NOT said that 

a jillion times 

BECAUSE 

I don't 

WANT to SOUND some KINDA way

I MIGHT be SLOW

OH

it occurs to me 

MAYBE 

they 

MEAN

I NEED titles

Thursday morning

well

haley had said

they sell out 

FAST

& I'm LIKE*

*to myself:  I've booked early line thingies at SW airlines I KNOW how to be the first minute is best

BUT 

I had a SMALL snafu

with sign up 

& didn't make the

FIRST FIFTY

BUT 

I'm IN

& they sent me an email at 10:18

only 33 memberships left

SHE WASN'T 

KIDDING 

FAST

blush (oh no this changes the publication date)

SO

there WAS a rabbit 🕳️ around BLUSH

& it WAS

an 

EPIC

STRUGGLE 

NOT

to buy a PINK

BLUSH 

I NEVER

WANT 

P!NK

BUT 

P!NK

looks

REAL

on ME or

SOMETHING 

& I DECIDED on a FANCY one

& it was

ON SALE 

when I went to

BUY it

I gotta sleep 

🫶🫶🫶

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋🌊

BLAH blah STUFF DIALECTICS 

THINGS that

CONNECT

with your previous 

OR IDEAL

SELVES

I DECIDED 

to get a refillable

ONE blush

& THEN

I will THROW AWAY

all the OTHER blushes

ALSO

I decided I WANTED 

BLUSHER

& it is too complicated to explain ALL the

ELEMENTS

that that ties into

BUT 

the DIALECTICS led me

to the conclusion 

that

CARGO swimmables CATALINA 

is the ONLY 

BLUSH 

I've EVER

REALLY 

thought looked good on ME 

& I thought 

GOOD 

ANOTHER 

CANADIAN brand to SUPPORT 

BUT 

they've CEASED operations 

AND

I watched a DE-CLUTTER influencer 

she's NOT a STUFF person 

she's a HELP the 

STUFF person PERSON 

it was HARD to 

WATCH

BUT 

she was taking a SIMILAR strategy

to what I HAVE in SO FAR as I am 

consciously AWARE of things 

BUT 

it was SO helpful 

PERSPECTIVE-wise

SOMETHING 

about the

DISCONNECT 

between 

useful THINGS you haven't USED 

& don't really INTEND to USE

& USEFUL things

that are the

THINGS

you

USE

AND

I've had some

MEMORIES

&

I'm SO

TEMPTED

to TELL 

you about them

OR

to SAY

don't ever do THIS 

BUT 

it's NOT a 

thing you'd do

BUT 

if I tell you

it MAKES it a THING 

& if I'm WALKING AWAY from it

WHY

would I CALL it

INTO my

FUTURE 

BUT 

THEN I'm NOT 

TALKING 

SO

there's SOME of THAT too

BUT 

I've ALSO 

been trying to work through 

some BODY issues

& it isn't STUFF 

I really WANT 

to REinforce

by TAKING about it

& PROCESSING 

STUFF issues

my HEAD is

FULL

it's been WEIRD 

when I was saying goodnight 

blogger said 

I had possibly violated 

community standards

which made no sense 

SO 

I put fewer emojis

which was the only thing I could think might be the problem 

I have had a BAD headache today 

I just don't have 

MUCH to REPORT 

TODAY

I hope you are

BASKING in some NONcrazy-ness

I'm going to try to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶

they had

OAT MILK 

I LIKE it 

I'm not 💯 happy with the 

ANSWERS 

to my questions

BUT 

I LIKE it 

they are open 24/7

are there any 

STAFF

at night

they have staff

CHECK IN

periodically 

you need their app to get in

there ARE security cameras 

BUT 

HOW SAFE 

it would be to WORK at random night 

UNKNOWN, really 

they have phone booths

WHICH are BOOKABLE for ZOOM meetings

& SUCH

as well as a meeting room

BOOKABLE 

all of it

ONLINE 

so then is the door LOCKED and it opens with a CODE or something to the ONE who booked it

OR

is it the honor system

I ASK since there is NO GATEKEEPER on-hand

it is honor system 

BUT 

there IS a PROCESS of email

to COMPLAIN 

if there is someone else in your booked room

& OF COURSE 

you can SAY

HEY

THIS is MY ROOM 

I'm LIKE 

SO

if I book one of those things

for a business purpose 

I COULD 

POTENTIALLY 

not be able to actually do my business 

WELL 

YES, potentially 

they were all really 

NICE 

& not full of sh*t

the COFFEE was

EXCELLENT 👍 and they had water & milks too

although, potentially, they might be out of milks

BECAUSE 

how often are they checking in 

there is a limited light situation in the 

DEEP FOCUS room

which is not optional 

there are study carrels with a tiny light at each

BUT 

you can't move it 

DOWN

to where you can 

REALLY SEE

what your 

WORKING on 

BUT 

I have a small portable light

I could take 

& I don't think it would be a problem 

there is SO much STUFF in the AREA

I TEND to GO

PLACES 

in my travel path

SO

I feel like this would open up

my WORLD

quite a bit 

IF

I will ACTUALLY 

GO

I took it as a good sign

they had cy twombly books on display

in fact

a THOUGHT I had

I bet I could 

SNEAK 

some books

IN

I'm not sure WHY I thought it 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

I LOVE you 

I'm going to check out that

WORK CLUB tomorrow 

I can't explain 

the diffuse 

little bit of 

this

little bit of 

that

RABBIT 🕳️ 

that was today 

I LOVE you SO MUCH 

I hope you are having FUN 

& setting the world 

on 🔥

here's to my

finding 

ARTICULATION 

there's a LOT going on in the world 

👾🫚🍀🔥

🫶🫶🫶

☁️☕☁️

🌊☄️

❤️

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

sorry I didn't talk much 

👾🫚🍀🔥☄️☁️☕🌊😁

I'm watching 

KUNG FU 

I LOVE you 

🌊

I'm going to sleep 

I've been thinking about 

your long arms

goodnight sweetheart 💋

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥☄️

☁️🌊

☕

when it comes right down to it 

I don't remember 

ENOUGH 

detail

to make

MORE of a 

STORY

than to tell you we WATCHED THOSE together 

probably at a slightly inappropriate age

at least the they shoot horses

for CONTEXT it was

AFTER we'd had

our TALK 

about

SUICIDE 

& I WISH 

I could remember 

I didn't understand the title and he had to

EXPLAIN about

putting the horse out of it's 

MISERY

BUT 

I can't remember 

SEEMS like 

that would have been a 

CONTRADICTION 

to his previous 

MESSAGE 

AND

I REALIZE 

this might be 

UNCOMFORTABLE 

I'm not trying to make some statement 

I AM

a little bit 

DISTRESSED

about the

STATE 

of things

BUT 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I'm probably not super coherent 

I am listening to a FOCUS group 

of t*ump voters

HISPANIC 

t*ump voters

& this one woman is 

HAPPY 

the borders are closed

she feels so much 

SAFER

& I'm 

WONDERING 

WHERE she

LIVES

I don't think she'd FEEL safer if she lived somewhere she was affected by 

ICE raids

AND THEN 

I REMEMBERED 

people 

in line at *$

TALKING 

about

THREAT level COLORS

FOX NEWS

manufacturing REALITY 

I slept late 

& woke up with a headache 

I had productive things 

I was gonna do

BUT 

I'm not gonna do sh*t

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I hope you are having a beautiful day 🫶 🫶 🫶 

I'm SO TIRED I'm going to sleep 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

BIG BIG HUGS 

🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥

goodnight ☄️

☁️☕☁️

🌊

I think I might need to think about this a little longer before I can make it coherent 

I watched a lot of TV

BUT 

my dad had slipped discs 

in his lower back

he got up 

he moved around 

he went to the store for cigarettes 

came back

without cigarettes 

I only remember 

watching two movies with him when I was a kid

probably I'm forgetting some

the two movies were

OH

THERE 

HOUDINI 

they shoot horses don't they 

&

butch cassidy & the sundance kid

OMG

I JUST remembered 

we watched 

KUNG FU

ANYWAY 

I feel like 

because the first two movies 

I thought of called to mind by songs

I thought I should probably tell you about them

BUT my memory is a little sketchy 

& I need to ruminate 

I was like that same 

EIGHT ish age

& I wanted

I'm not sure why

 

to talk about 

that apartment 

I guess it just

ACTIVATED 

my personal timeline

STORIES 

BUT 

now that I remembered 

KUNG FU 

I'm wondering just HOW much 

of my personality is from 

THAT

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I was with my mom

I'll talk LATER 

it occurred to me 

I have all these thoughts 

i did some more

I put a LOT of alcohol 

SO

we'll see what we get

when it dries 

I worked on this before I listened 

and this is how this one dried

I don't think it's finished 

I BOTH 

found the CD

& REMEMBERED to

BRING it with me to the studio 

it's beautiful ❤️❤️❤️

F*CK

I shoulda BEEN SLEEP 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I hope you are having fun 

& I am hugging you 

SO TIGHT 

🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️

🌊

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥

❤️❤️❤️

OK

it DOES look like 

BAD sh*t is continuing to go down 

I LOVE you 

& I'm not 
NEWSING

NOW

🫶🫶🫶

☁️☕☁️

🌊

OH

ALSO 

I ALMOST forgot 

there's this way

in which 

you HAVE to 

NOT 

THINK 

about things

in order to not 

LIKE 

driving a car

was SUPER overwhelming to ME because 

I had lost the ability to 

USE the FORCE

& HAD

to be AWARE of everything 

& there's a LOT of stuff like that

OK

full disclosure 

I have not

been

watching the news

SO

probably all this stuff 

is less important 

in SOME way 

I don't think the world revolves around me

BUT 

I AM RESPONSIBLE 

for KEEPING me

FUNCTIONAL 

I have

had some thoughts about 

HOW sane

OR not 

I MIGHT have been 

at various points 

THEN

I remembered 

I NEVER ever ever represented myself as SANE 

and I feel like it fills in unevenly

I've fallen off my

SUPPLEMENTS 

it's HARD to

KEEP stuff GOING 

I keep trying to FIND a WAY to make it a

WALK

it's TOO far

& it's not a nice walk 

SO

I keep going back and forth 

WILL 

I do it

DO 

I even want to 

it SEEMS to be 

SYNCHRONICITY 

I MEAN 

why not try it

it's month to month

& IF I GO

I thought about 

how there was a WAY

in which 

this work club thing is obviously 

the right thing to do

it's 

that

OH yeah WAIT 

ALSO

BRAIN feels compelled to create HYPOTHESIS 

AUD = INFJ 

ADHD = ESTP

WHAT do we call THIS 

the consortium 

WE PROTEST

this is an alternative temple

which is NOT an advancement of knowledge 

BEYOND 

the LEFT brain RIGHT brain

PARADIGM that WE prefer

SO

when I woke up late

KINDA 

bleary-eyed 

we hadn't decided, really 

on the furniture arrangement 

I don't want to 

START

& then just have everything all 

TORN UP

chaotic 

AND

I had ALSO watched 

this great

CLUTTER influencer 

I MEAN 

she was breaking it down 

BUT 

DIFFERENT 

from how I broke it down 

which was helpful 

PLUS

she's LIKE still on the journey 

SO

ANYWAY 

I figured I had quite a BIT to process there

let's just take it easy

I watched a series of videos last night 

I saw this guy

BREAK DOWN the STUFF thing

you ATTACH to 

THINGS

as

a trauma response 

which tracks

& is not

a COMPLETE 

SURPRISE 

it INVOKES

LOSS

when you THROW 

THINGS away

which ALSO tracks

because remember that WEIRD response 

I had to the greek doll

I STILL feel kinda 

BAD about

SO

shouldn't have been a surprise 

BUT 

KINDA was, somehow

ANTHROPOMORPHISM 

ANIMISM

MAGIC

ANYWAY 

I don't know if I'm making sense 

SLEEP 😴 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶☄️ goodnight ❤️

ALSO 

I was thinking:  ya KNOW what I need 

LIKE 

a coffee shop where I could write 

& a PLACE to go 

OUT 

for RANDOM 

EVENT generation 

THEN

TODAY 

there's some notice

about a

WORK CLUB 

it's ACROSS the street 

from the old ALABAMA theater

where I WORKED so all those overlapping realities 

OH

AND

it's 0.3 miles around the corner from 

WEST ALABAMA ice house

I just drove by there, noticed it was still there

I always SAY I'm gonna GO there

& I NEVER have 

& I lived around the corner 

for a year

I've been doing the facial massage 

& I'm KINDA 

ROLLING 

the sebums out of my pores

to cut down on the

PICKING 

BUT 

I KINDA 

overdid it or something 

& my skin tag 

HURT

to where it couldn't be touched 

& I was LIKE 

F*CK

I did myself a mischief 

BUT 

then in a couple days 

it didn't HURT anymore and I looked at it

& it SEEMED SMALLER 

& LOOKED 

BLACK

& I'm LIKE 

I THINK 

at least partially 

it's coming 

OFF

& it DID 

COMPLETELY 

& the FUNNY thing is 

I had been thinking 

because I had read about different oils

"healing" skin tags

& I thought 

I WONDER if castor oil is one of those 

therapy was cancelled again 

I had a headache 

SO

I lay back down 

& fell back

ASLEEP 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I HOPE you are having 

SO MUCH 

FUN

🫶🫶🫶

☁️☕☁️

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I gotta sleep now 

I'm thinking about you 

❤️❤️❤️

I'm not leaving the house ENOUGH 

EXERCISE 

don't sit down 

MOVE around 

THAT

helps with the

HIP thing

I'm STILL trying to 

FIGURE out 

WHAT

I can SIT on

that will STRETCH my hips

I don't want to SIT on the FLOOR 

I did laundry too

& ACTUALLY 

I'm doing this

THING

I THINK of something 

I WRITE it DOWN 

on this pad

THEN

I'm LIKE 

I got STUFF I want to DO

I been working on 

THAT today TOO 

& trying to 

FORMULATE the

FURNITURE 

arrangement 

I've ALWAYS had 

TROUBLE 

with THAT I suspect 

it's got SOMETHING to do with SOMETHING 

it's SO much STUFF 

& it's perfectly 

NORMAL 

to not be 

GOOD 

at furniture arrangement 

BUT 

it just SEEMS like 

I AUGHT

to be

GOOD at it

I SUSPECT I'm FAVORING 

AESTHETIC 

& ALSO

NOT 

editing 

because the STUFF is stuffing

FIXED

these are the original 

light bulbs

they're going to come back 

PATCH

AND

I guess I passed out

without saying 

goodnight 

SORRY 

about 

that

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

the maintenance guys

are trying to fix 

my upstairs 

TOILET 

that is leaking water through the 

CEILING 

of my downstairs 

TOILET 

whenever it's 

FLUSHED 

the downstairs 

TOILET 

you can't really put 

TOILET PAPER 

into because 

ROOTS 

under the building 

I THINK 

they took the toilet completely off

SNAKED IT 

put it all back together 

BUT 

it only remained 

CLEAR

for a while 

THAT 

was all before pandemic 

BUT 

I'm worried if they can't fix the upstairs 

the downstairs might

QUICKLY 

become a problem 

SO

FINGERS CROSSED 

I KNOW 

THAT

was

TMI, but that's what's happening 

HERE

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

it's SOMEHOW 

ABOUT 

the balance

BUT 

it's an

ACTIVE balance 

not a STATIC 

BALANCE

AND

there's this THING that HAPPENS 

when you

BECOME 

the MANAGER 

you SUDDENLY have the ABILITY to do

I MEAN -- whatever, ya KNOW 

& there's SOME ways 

OR WAY

that

I NEVER really 

MADE myself the MANAGER 

MAYBE 

THAT doesn't make SENSE 

I can't explain it 

BETTER 

it's the KIND of thing 

that tenuous 

KINDA

BLINDSPOT adjacent 

& MAYBE 

I'm extrapolating too far

BUT 

I have this feeling that I'm making good progress 

I FEEL 

BETTER in 

merino wool

it SOUNDS 

EXTRA 

BUT 

I am discovering that

it's NOTICEABLE 

& I feel like there is always some

group

I'm somehow involved in

I'm reading about

women's adventures 

dyeing woolx 

that turned out not to be a color that WORKED 

I'm not spending a LOT of time on that 

BUT it CONNECTED 

I'm not going to START 

dyeing my clothes 

but it connected 

& MAYBE I'm a member 

of the group

because 

I really INTO wool 

I'm HAPPY about WOOL

that's WEIRD huh

there's a LOT that's difficult to MAKE sensible 

BUT 

there's this playful thing

going on in the

BACKGROUND 

LIKE 

we're dancing 

we're darting

AROUND 

a 

corner 

OK

THIS

SOUNDS crazy 

BUT 

it's LIKE 

I've been in a

BUBBLE 

where I was an ACTION FIGURE 

to KINDA get a

SENSE

& then it's been

TRYING 

to ADAPT 

MAYHAW

is FUN 

to

SAY

when I was at *$ my

alter ego

was

Ebola

I can't remember whether it was

keelee or susanne 

who came up

with it

& I don't know how DEEP it was, ya know, it was FUNNY 

BUT 

MEEHAW

is LIKE 

EVIL backwoods MEEMAW

THIS 

is SILLY 

& I don't know if you enjoy this kind of thing or not

my cat's nickname 

has morphed

AGAIN 

he's 

STILL 

intermittently 

VIOLENT

SO

I started calling him

PROJECT MAYHEM 

BUT 

then I decided 

I didn't WANT to glorify the VIOLENCE 

SO

I took OFF the PROJECT 

& THOUGHT 

about mayhem 

& HEM and HAW

SO

NOW

it's 

MAYHAW

PAIRED

with himself LEAST favorite nickname 

ROLF LAP 

MAYHAW ROLF-LAP

OR

just MAYHAW 

if I'm going easy on him

I just got up

BUT 

I think it's evening there

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

I THINK we are DANCING 🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥☄️

❤️🌊🍥

MOSTLY 

animated with your

CARTOON of you

I'm imagining you

having 

FUN

❤️

I've had a lot of coffee

BUT 

I'm gonna try to sleep now

I hope you are 

having

SO MUCH 

FUN

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶 

goodnight ☄️

❤️

my mom

GOT to me

a little 

I'm trying to figure out 

HOW to 

STRETCH 

or maybe POP

my HIPS 

& lower back are tight

I've been 

OBSESSIVELY 

trying to figure out 

HOW to 

rearrange my furniture 

to clear AWAY whatever it is 

that sees a thing 

NOT as it is 

EMBRACE 

function 

WHAT am I trying to DO

REDUCE clutter

reduce VISUAL CLUTTER 

BUT 

I'm ALSO 

figuring OUT 

MEDITATION 

AREA

worked on this today 

goodnight sweetheart 💋 

I LOVE you VERY much 🫶🫶🫶

👾🫚🍀🔥❤️☄️

I'm STILL working with 

ESTP INFJ stuff 

I have some kind of jumbled SENSE of 

STARTED estp BUT got SIDETRACKED 

OR

S'POSED to end up ESTP

OR

MULTIPLE 

I don't know 

I just RECOGNIZE it

& HOW 

does that even make ANY sense 

berlin 

believe it or not 

my FIRST thought was 

DID you SEE

berlin alexanderplatz

OR did you just

WANT to 

THEN

I thought about

CABARET 

THEN

I thought about

WATCHING 

the wall

FALL 

tried to remember 

der mauerspringer

& finally ended up

the name

of this old movie

SET

in cold war

BERLIN 

while

KRAFTWERK 

& nina hagen 

SWIRL

I think the movie is

ONE, TWO, THREE

through the atmosphere 

I was going in to work 

LATER

not at FIVE

& I STILL at that point

had a TV 

I was getting ready for work 

& I had something on TV 

SOME news type THING 

a PLANE had

HIT 

the world trade center 

TOWER

& THEN

ANOTHER 

& I'm LIKE 

WELL 

THAT one 

WASN'T 

an ACCIDENT 

i added more

I started this

im not SURE how it's going 

I had this picture of an EAR

in my HEAD 

& maybe 

a HAMMER 

I don't KNOW 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

I'm not very talkative today 

BUT 

stuff is a percolating 

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶

☄️🌊💓

the first thing 

I thought of

the

little prince

the snake eating an elephant 

THEN

I had

you can keep your hat on STUCK in my HEAD 

I have a 

STRANGE relationship with PARIS

it's LIKE 

a MULTI verse 

I have watched videos

apartment hunting 

in paris 

BECAUSE, I guess 

I am KINDA 

STRANGE 

I am fascinated by 

a sort of imaginary paris 

& I've never 

BEEN

I've never been certain 

I could HANDLE 

PARIS 

I've watched videos 

of people 

walking around french pharmacies

I sleep now

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶

goodnight ☄️

,❤️❤️❤️🌊

JUST DO it

is working pretty well

there's a bunch of stuff 

that I haven't been doing 

& it's always LIKE 

HOW 

am I gonna 

MAKE me

DO it

NOW 

I'm LIKE 

HEY

whatcha doin right now 

LET'S

DO

THAT

BUT 

RANDOM street murals

REALLY good 

COFFEE 

maybe not even

in the morning 

copenhagen 

I have always thought 

would be

BEAUTIFUL 

SCANDINAVIA 

has always been 

INTERESTING 

to me

I got exposed to trolls

& CLOGS

pretty 

young

in high school

I had a collection of clogs

from the SWEDISH shop

in the village

that was ALL I WORE for shoes

I probably had kind of sneakers

AND

I had this Japanese happi coat

it was polyester 

I'm SURE 

it had the GREAT WAVE on the back

& SOME portion of the 

REST of the jacket

was RED,

black

BUT 

a LOT of it 

was that

BLUE

and white

MAN

I was thinking about that jacket

the other day

I got it at the renaissance festival 

they had a japanese village

SHOGUN had entered

the zeitgeist 

&

EVEN though my mom

didn't really 

LET ME

watch

TV

I

had managed to 

CONVINCE 

HER

it was an important enough 

CULTURAL 

EVENT

she let me watch it on the

LIKE 

twelve inch black & white television set

& SOME of it

I watched in COLOR at my gran Gran's house

I can't remember 

EXACTLY 

WHAT

I thought of it

I THINK I had

SOME 

problems with stuff that happened 

I remember the guy

who threw away

the bird

he had to

and then they had to

KILL him

& he was proud to have done it

& NOT bitter that they were

KILLING him for DOING 

the THING that

HAD 

to be done

that they were grateful for him to have done

it upset me

BUT 

the guy BELIEVED in rules

I think there was some other stuff 

I don't think it was the STORY 

that grabbed me

so much as

the place

OR culture OR art OR whatever 

SO

I MEAN

I guess I was one of the people

who wanted the

SHOGUN 

village

OR whatever it was called

BUT 

that GREAT WAVE

was important to me

it's VERY exciting

🫶🫶🫶

there are

SO

MANY

possible ways

for MAGIC 

to

MANIFEST

I MEAN

SURFING 🌊 with the UNIVERSE 

& the situation in the world right now 

is WEIRD enough 

people will

WANT

to TELL you 

HOW worried they ARE

FOR or ABOUT US

OR

HOW it's affecting 

THEM

OR

IDEAS they HAVE 

OR

THINGS they've

SEEN

OR

MAYBE 

the people 

WON'T want to TALK about it 

MAYBE 

they will just

WATCH and LISTEN 

RESONATING -- ONENESS

BUT 

even without the people 

SO

MUCH

❤️

I need a little sleep 

probably therapy tomorrow 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶 goodnight ☄️

is THAT 

SOME 

old 

person 

SAYING 

don't ever say that again 

THAT is 

WHAT I am

TALKING 

ABOUT 

YES

BRILLIANT!

I LOVE you VERY MUCH 💓

is THAT a TREND

women's sports are popular 

OR

is it

JUST tennis & basketball 

WHICH, I MEAN 

is NOT nothing 

I really FEEL like 

THIS approach 

EMBRACE

my inner

ESTP

there is

SOMETHING 

THERE

I'm fixin to listen to TK

vet's working hypothesis on kitty

is

ARTHRITIS 

& she gave him

monoclonal antibodies 

THREAT level

ORANGE 

the FIRST rule

of project

MAYHEM 

is

don't ASK

QUESTIONS

about project mayhem

LEVEL UP

I shoulda

BEEN 

SLEEP 

thank you

for

I'm not 

CONFIDENT 

that I'm TRANSLATING this correctly

POSSIBLY 

I will think of a 

BETTER 

translation at some 

LATER time 

thank you for SEEING me 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶

goodnight ☄️

I thought about 

GRAVITY DAY

which was this phenomenon 

if you are

WORKING with COFFEE 

if you

SPILL something 

it f*CKs the

VIBE

& THEN there is this 

PHYSICAL FORCE of the UNIVERSE

that LIKE 

ATTRACTS 

more SPILLAGE 

THAT

is JUST gonna 

HAPPEN

BUT 

if you acknowledge it 

JUST ROLL 

with the 

GRAVITY 

LAUGH

you loosen up 

& it gets

BETTER 

I thought I had

FIGURED out 

HOW 

to

articulate 

BUT 

I have LOST the THREAD

THIS 

is HELPFUL 

OH

WAIT 

JUST DO IT

I THINK 

THAT 

was 

PART of the THREAD

BUT 

I KINDA think

my MASK

there's a LOT I haven't figured out yet 

THIS 

FEELS

jumbled

there are multiple points

I DID this THING 

I had a THOUGHT about something 

& I JUST got UP

& WENT

& DID it 

WELL 

I'm spontaneously 

NOT 

going to hamilton 

BECAUSE 

my cat is acting like he has something wrong with his leg, and even though there doesn't 

SEEM

to actually 

BE

anything wrong with his leg

I'm not going to enjoy myself sitting in a movie 

WORRYING 

VET

tomorrow 

I hope you are having a beautiful day sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶 I love you very much 🫶🫶🫶

I'm gonna go see

HAMILTON 

on the 

BIG 

screen

TOMORROW 

I hope you are having a beautiful evening 

I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 💋 

🫶🫶🫶👾🫚🍀🔥🫶🫶🫶

goodnight ☄️

OK

the FIGHT CLUB rabbit 🕳️ was GREAT 

I don't think I would have 

ENJOYED that movie

nearly that well

if I hadn't 

RESEARCHED it

FIRST 

WHICH 

might demonstrate 

BETTER 

than anything else just

HOW MUCH 

I am 

NOT 

an 

ESTP

BUT 

I can 
SEE

HOW 

maybe my whole life has been

TRAINING for 

ESTP

in one WAY or another 

& I watched a video of sixteen personalities as

THERAPISTS

& the ESTP 

was LIKE 

DO jujitsu 

EAT protein 

& I GET it 

& I came up with 

FOUR directives

SPONTANEOUS events

MANIPULATE a situation in your favor

go OUTSIDE your COMFORT zone

RANDOM event generation

FOCUS on sensualist

MOVE MORE*

THIS is SUPER important 

BUT 

DIFFICULT 

I don't have 

CLEAR direction