Okay I just kind of fell asleep in the chair I didn't really go to bed

And then I spent a lot of time looking for an anti acne spot treatment

And I couldn't even tell you what else

What I meant to tell you earlier

When I was out driving around charging up my car battery because I think if you don't drive it then the car battery will just go dead

But I'm not exactly sure how much you have to drive it

so I just sort of drove around for a while

And it was my intention to pop into Ulta real quick and get more of the Clinique

because I tried to order it from Clinique and they don't have it on their website so I don't know if it's being discontinued or what

But then I was going to order it on the Ulta website and I'm like I'll just go in

but they didn't have a sign in their door that specifically said they were open they said stay in your car so maybe they're only doing curbside but when I was online I was not able to order that item and pick up

That's not really important I'm just explaining why I was on line so long looking for items

But the important thing

I drove by my old work I didn't go all the way like to the front but I could see the back of it from where I was

And it looked like Carl was taking out trash and I thought about it and

As soon as they open back I would have had to go back to work

But there wouldn't have been any hours

And they're probably still aren't any hours

So I would not have been making enough money to pay for anything

Because I was already having a hard time with it with the way they had cut my hours before

And I just had this sense of overwhelming gratitude

I mean everything is open here

They've all got big banners saying we're open

Which I assume means that they aren't getting a lot of business because people are staying home or they don't have money or you know all of the many reasons that they might not be getting business

But it's just like you know

Kind of a cluster

It wouldn't let me say c**********

And I didn't want to bother to go back and type it

But there's a very real way

In which there are currently two realities going on

That driving around I was actually concurrently aware of and it was disorienting

because at first I thought well am I the only one that's staying in my house

Am I the only one who's terrified

And when you go out it certainly looks that way there are people everywhere

By which I mean cars everywhere

And even though we have a mass ordinance

And they'll find you or something if you're not wearing a mask

I saw people not wearing masks

And I mean it didn't look to me like Carl was wearing a mask taking out the trash

Although maybe he took it off to take out the trash

But I don't know

But if everybody's got to have a big sign to tell you they're open

That means they feel like they've got to make a big point of it

So that means they're knocking business

Not getting business

This thing all the time gets what I say wrong I think I probably have too heavy of an accent

So I don't know

and it's my plan to watch the Republican convention

I never used to do that last year was the first one I ever watched and the only reason I watched that one was I was really expecting the Republicans to pull some s*** because they were talking about and not letting them in and overriding the nomination and I really thought maybe

They were going to do something

To stop Trump

Cuz there were a bunch of never trumpers at that point

But of course nothing exciting happened

Or nothing good exciting anyway

And I'm going to watch it this time

Not because I like the Republicans because I do not

but I'm just really curious to see what kind of s*** show they're going to put on

But I may not watch all of it

I don't really want to watch it

But I'm really curious

Anyway so today has all in all been a very disorienting day and being outside was weird

Cuz I mean I've gone to the mailbox a few times

I haven't really gone outside

I mean I guess I went to the store a couple weeks ago

It's not the same

But I'm so grateful

And my fancy radio came

So if there's a hurricane and we lose power for 10 days like I did the last time there was a hurricane

not with Harvey because that was a hurricane but it didn't hit here

I'm pretty sure I didn't lose power at all with Harvey or maybe I did for like 30 minutes or something but I don't think so I don't think I lost power at all

My mother did

But even if I lose power for 10 days like I did last time

assuming that radio works which I haven't checked out yet

It has a solar power panel on it

And it can recharge a phone

So in addition to the whatever you call those little charging boxes then I have a couple of

And I have a car phone charger

Which I also haven't tested out

So hopefully

This time I won't lose communication

Hopefully I can charge my phone and I'll have internet that way

With Ike I swear to God it was just awful not having internet

I'm like addicted to internet

Anyway I'm going to sleep for a few hours and then I'm going to get up and do laundry

Which I really really don't want to do

Oh I forgot to tell you

I found

A mountain and gets

Malin + Goetz

Spot treatment that has salicylic acid and sulfur

it's one of those kinds that you put a q-tip down into so that's a little less convenient than just having it be some kind of gel you can smear on top of things

But it should be more effective

So maybe rather than just kind of working

As opposed to most things that don't work at all

And the clinic that kind of worked

Maybe it'll actually work

The papaya oil I really like it

But I did get more breakouts

Which was made because it was overstimulating things I don't know

It wasn't too bad

then I saw this thing on the internet where it said if you use an oil cleanser and you just rub your skin for like 5 minutes or something that all your blackheads will just pop out

So I tried it

and although it supposedly works for everyone it didn't work for me

probably because most of mine aren't really blackheads they're probably closed comidones

So anyway I kind of fell off the wagon with picking

Cuz I was pretty stressed out

I've been kind of stressed out

So I kind of picked the s*** out of my face

I was telling myself at first I hope just a little

And I might know please please don't pick my face

But I just kept doing it

And there's a point at which you've done it too much your skin gets really irritated

But the stuff was loosened up and I just couldn't stop myself

So I just cleaned it out really well and I put the vitamin c on it

And then after I got up I did it again

it's not nearly as bad as I was afraid it was going to be

But I was just thinking at that point

You know it would probably be better if you just drank

Maybe you need some kind of therapy

Cuz it's really self-destructive behavior

And then I checked my email

And Texas's doing the Trump plan with the $300 a week

And I got to tell you I was really happy

And then I was like see you didn't need to destroy your face

So I mean I don't know how long that's going to last and I don't know if it's really going to happen but they said it is

So we'll see but that did lessen my stress

But I watched more video of people driving through fire

And that scares the s*** out of me

So just know

I don't think I have any control over forest fires or where they go or any of that

I don't have any delusion that I have control over that

But I wish I did

Cuz I just want you to be safe

I mean everybody it's not like I want even the trees to get hurt I love trees

In fact if I'm being honest I like trees better in general than I like people

But I'm thinking about you

I'm always thinking about you anyway

But I'm trying to think whatever kind of protection your direction might be within my capacity to have

And I don't understand about sweeping the forests

Does he honestly believe that it's possible to sweep the forest

Or desirable

I mean if you swept up all the leaves that would f****** the biome

Plants and animals kind of need there to be leaves they are decomposing

And assuming that it was even a desirable thing to sweep them who would pay all the thousands of people that would be necessary to sweep the leaves in the forest

What kind of ultra stupid s*** is that

anyway whatever I'm going to go to sleep for a little while I love you very much

And I really don't have a good explanation for why I didn't go to sleep before

I just don't mind very well