to try to get me
OUT of
the EXTREME
LOCK-DOWN funk
there's a BUNCH of OTHER baggage
BUT
I don't think I
could have made it
out of
THAT hardened shell
I HOPE I get
my MIND right
EVENTUALLY
& I know
you probably haven't seen
whatever it is
you're looking for yet
I'm pretty sure
a bunch of the stuff I said
didn't make SENSE
& I don't think I have a WAY
to make it make sense
I just gotta keep working through
I can't objectively
tell you
HOW close I might be
BUT
I KNOW parts of me are
MAD
& parts of me are HURT
& parts of me are overwhelmed
I KNOW I want a BUNCH of
CONTRADICTORY things
AND
I think part of the
PSYCHOTIC word salad stuff
is about the fact
THAT
PART of me is on-board with the new framework
BUT
PART of me doesn't KNOW
about the new framework
& can't let go
& NONE of me
REALLY knows
HOW the new framework
ACTUALLY
looks or works
I was telling my therapist
I'm just trying to FIX me
AND the rest of everything will
RESOLVE
I can't handle trying to FIX my relationships
BECAUSE
growing up with all love being CONDITIONAL
SHAPED my interactions with the world
in a very TRANSACTIONAL way
AND
I find it difficult to separate myself out
in whatever way it is that I need to
to see what I want and need
I just have to change myself
& let that play through the systems
my FAVORITE psychology class
was EMOTION & MOTIVATION
which dealt a lot with systems
I GET
that you may not be seeing
what you're looking for
YET
BUT I wanted you to KNOW
I SEE YOU
& I appreciate you
