well
I got some good quantity
of sleep
which is awesome
because I feel like
I have been
having a hard time with THAT for a while
idk if that's the meno
or just overactive mind
or what
& I've been giving myself
ATTITUDE
for a while too
LIKE
no matter what I'm scheduled to do
I don't want to do it
EVEN if I specifically
WANT to do that thing
CONTRARINESS
or just RESISTANCE to
PEOPLE, PLACES, & THINGS
is MAYBE a fall-back
OVERWHELM
AND
MAYBE
therapy has made me more focused
on psychological sh*t
MURAKAMI analysis
I'm looking at you
(NOT YOU, my analysis ME, understand)
I LOVE you
AND
I want to CLARIFY something
I AM AWARE
I WANT
CONTRADICTORY things
I KNOW
I have not resolved HOW
all the things I want
could possibly
WORK
at the same time
I KNOW
there is a way that
I'm just CONFUSING as f*CK
I get it
at least part of any frustration
I may ever feel towards you
is more appropriately
directed at myself
I haven't figured out
all the answers
&
I tend to think
YOU SHOULD have figured them out
because you are
a few years older
& MUCH
MORE EXPERIENCED
BUT
THAT probably isn't FAIR
BUT
I guess
if I waited
until I knew what the f*CK was going on
EVERYTHING
would go SO MUCH SLOWER
AND
EVERYTHING already feels
GEOLOGICALLY paced
SO
we'll just SEE
TRYING for a whole
NO PRESSURE -- GRATITUDE vibe
but I'm wanting to hide under the covers
& not be out in the world
SO
THAT is what today looks like
FORCING myself to be OPEN to FUN
🙄 sheesh
