NO
PASTRY
in therapy today, and before I became uncertain
of my abilities to read people
I would have SWORN
he had no idea what I was talking about
BUT
then the dog ate his homework
NO
that sounds a little bitchy
it was actually a completely VALID answer
JUST
SEEMED to ME
so take that for whatever it's worth
THEN
at the end he said I will bring pastry next time
I'm LIKE, NO
WHY are you doing that
I told you
just don't MENTION it
PROMISING is even worse
if you bring PASTRY
I can be surprised & delighted
if you say you are going to do it
THEN I
HAVE to think about it
& if it doesn't happen
then I have to tell myself some STORY
about how you're flaking on me
I understand that
when people tell you they're going to do something
it's about the excitement
the thought in that moment
SHARING THAT
BUT
it's ONLY like two out of ten times
that people actually do it
AND
I JUST now realized
this is ACTUALLY an example of
what I'm fixing to say
I wasn't referring to that last thing
when I was telling him
THIS is a THING
I feel like is a BIG problem
in my interactions
with people
THEY say SOMETHING
to me
that is DESIGNED to be some type of nice
ONLY it HITS WRONG
with me
&
what I WANT to do is say
HEY
I SEE what you're doing there
I'm WEIRD and that actually
has the opposite effect
on me
let me translate myself
if you want to get THAT response from me
SAY THIS
& it will have that effect
BUT
THAT NEVER WORKS
it OFFENDS them
I don't UNDERSTAND
it's LITERALLY me saying that I am WEIRD
and like this non-standard thing
you were acting like you like me
I'm sharing what I like
WHICH part of that
is causing the
PROBLEM
he starts saying WORDS
psychological words that I KNOW
BUT I could
DERIVE
no actual coherent reason
AND
NOW
that I realize that that other conversation
was probably fresh in his mind
he was probably thinking about himself
& wasn't really prepared
to be called on it
BUT
I wasn't intending to be
CONFRONTATIONAL
SO
I guess it was interesting
he seems unwell to me
I feel like that's not
something I can really say anything about
BUT
I mean
maybe he just gained weight
& that's making him look
PUFFY
BUT
I don't think it's weight puffiness
a couple months ago
I had to restrain myself
because I wanted
to ask him if he
MIGHT
have had a mini stroke
he just seemed off somehow
BUT
he goes to the hospital
all the time
because his dog keeps
injuring him
I DID ask if he was feeling OK
I'm WEIRD
the FUNNY thing
is that AWKWARD
is not something I would have ever called myself
UNTIL the LOCKDOWN
& I changed
NO DOUBT
but I don't really understand why I became
AWKWARD
those pages are SO COOL
of course
what's written on them
is LIKE
LEGEND
& the MIND
MOVES in that soulful essence too
