I'm NOT freaking out
&
I STILL
have FREEDOM in my HEAD
I'm trying to
NOT convinced myself to
FREAK OUT
because what possible benefit is to be gained
I LOVE this country
I don't WANT to
RUN AWAY
I MEAN
in fact I maybe always want to run away
I WANT the country that doesn't yet exist
I just think
maybe
there's something I'm supposed to do
or can do
&
I'm trying to figure out WHAT
BUT
ALSO
trying to meditate
& not having
good luck with it
BUT
the CALM makes
NO SENSE
to me
especially on the heels of the anxiety that I've had going on for SO LONG
I'm not being flippant or anything
I'm LIKE
in a different kind of place
mentally than I think
I've ever been in
when I figure out
WORDS
I'll try to tell you about it
I LOVE you
I understand that this is probably not
the way I could be expected to behave
I HOPE
I'm NOT somehow
making it more difficult
