was not as bad
as it was
THERAPY
was
sort of ODD
it travelled through some
CONFUSION
I was trying to EXPLAIN
& I didn't FEEL like
I was MAKING SENSE
& then he said SOMETHING
I wasn't sure I understood, so I CHECKED what
I THOUGHT he said
BUT
it seemed I didn't understand after all
AND
it's like when everything goes QUIET and
YOU are SUDDENLY LOUD
LIKE
MUSICAL CHAIRS
I was SUDDENLY denying
ACCESS to MYSELF
I was saying
it's NOT that what she SAYS to me
UPSETS me
it's the NEGATIVE emotions
THAT I HAVE them
& that I FEEL them towards her
I want to FEEL neutral
HE
LIKED
NEUTRAL
SO
I did manage to get SOME important stuff said
I'm trying to get
LIKE
CLOSURE and sh*t
my time so far
has led me to believe
there is no in there
& it's making
me think of her as less human somehow
&
I CANNOT DEAL with THAT
SO
I keep trying
to get her to say SOMETHING
TRUE
SO
I'm KINDA tempted
to look at her
saying I'm irritating
as MAYBE a
WIN
