for a long time
I wrote something about 9/11
every year
or just about
BUT
this year
I'm not sure what to write
I was thinking about
how I believed
CONSPIRACY
& to be honest I still do KINDA
I ALSO
was thinking about
how I essentially believed that
the government
WASN'T us
& MAYBE
we SHOULD have a
REVOLUTION
right now
I had SYMPATHY for
WACO
I thought vaccines
MIGHT
be causing increased autism
and yet
I'm NOT a maga
I FEEL like
I should excavate
to find
HOW
I ESCAPED
I was NEVER fascist
BUT
I was a big admirer of
EMMA GOLDMAN
& edna st vincent milay's
apology for sacco and vanzetti
& SOMETIMES
I tended to believe
we would possibly be better
WITHOUT
government
BUT
it should EITHER
do MORE
OR
do LESS
the problem was the rich people
and the corporations
I don't know
HOW
all this rounds out
I feel WEIRD about it
I don't know if I'm SOMEHOW
WRONG
inside
or if I'm just different
& if REALLY
there's ENOUGH difference in the
TIMES
that I shouldn't spend a bunch of time
SELF REFLECTING
I'm not even sure how coherently I have
STATED the situation
BUT
THAT was
my WORRY
that SOMEHOW
MAYBE
I'm not sure how to express it
I want to say
there but for the grace of God go I
BUT
I don't believe THAT
NOR
am I willing to go so far
as to call myself a hypocrite
SO
I GUESS
what I'm left with
is
I'm uncomfortable with
the venn diagram
and I FEEL UNCOMFORTABLE with
having to see dick cheney
as a heroic patriot
instead of a war criminal
instead of a foundational step
in getting us
to THIS
DANGEROUS place in history
AND
I tend to think it's all new
BUT the TRUTH seems to be
POSSIBLY
we've got SOME version
of this really bad
DIVISIVENESS
as like a regular ongoing
THING
so maybe I'm just blowing it out of proportion
I CAN'T make myself believe THAT though
I'm just left with the feeling
that I may not be
COMPLETELY
on the right side of history
in some way
BUT
it was TERRIBLE
I can STILL
close my eyes and see the plane hit the building
see the people
JUMP
and whatever the facts
I hold a place
in my soul
for
the American trauma of it
the CONNECTION of
that national
SHARED event
it just SEEMS like a lifetime ago
and
MAYBE
I'm a different person
it's a different world
MAYBE
there are reasons that I shouldn't claim to still feel
CONNECTION
and this sort of alienation from things past
is a point of
ONGOING
DISCOMFORT
as I move through
TIME
I say a silent prayer for the dead
the polychromatic
MYSTERY
of the human
SPIRIT
and a FUTURE in which
the human heart
no longer
CRAVES
the destruction of
OTHERS
