I thought about
WHAT I said
about not wanting to
MEET anyone
I guess I got
KINDA
caught up in THAT
I think, at the TIME maybe I THOUGHT
I DID want to MEET someone
BUT
I clearly see that I didn't want to
I wanted to be in a place
I would FEEL like I
BELONGED
I WANTED to BE
with other people
BUT
LIKE
JUST in the
MOMENT
MAYBE
I went through the class/orientation/whatever
& when I went through the
NEW MEMBERS ceremony
SOMETHING
that I didn't understand at the time
HAPPENED
& I was TOO freaked out to go BACK
I've been thinking about
HOW in my HEAD
I REALLY am
WHERE is the LINE with me
I'm NOT sure
it's not
LIKE
I'm UNMOORED or anything
I'm JUST not SURE
that I KNOW
AND
I'm not super worried about it
RIGHT NOW
because I have faith that I'll figure it out
BUT
MAYBE
the STUFF I play out in my HEAD
is AS REAL to ME
as the things I
KNOW are
REAL
&
MAYBE that's a WRITER thing
I've been thinking all day
I THINK maybe
thinking is what I DO
the predominant thing I do
& I don't think that's BAD
BUT
as I'm talking to myself about it
I'm nodding and saying a LOT of
UH HUH
BECAUSE
there is SOME PART of me
that WANTS to be told the MISSION and is
NOT interested in the
PROCESS
JUST wants
to KNOW
NO ONE is gonna tell you the mission
& if they DID
you wouldn't believe them
because WHO are THEY and WHAT do they KNOW and HOW do they KNOW it
I feel like
I'm INTERACTING with
SOMETHING inside
that isn't QUITE my subconscious
BUT
isn't completely
ACCESSIBLE to me
there's a WAY to work through THIS
I'm WORKING through it
BUT it
FEELS
like it's taking forever
I need to go to sleep
I LOVE you VERY much sweetheart 🫶 🫶 🫶
YOU are the best
& I'm sorry if
I'm worrying you
💋💋👾🫚🍀❤️❤️
