and I believe
you love me too
I THINK about you
all the time
you are scattered through
EVERYTHING
it's STRANGE
a strange way to go through the world
BUT
I will say
I don't remember being
QUITE this AWARE
AND
the reason why
stand up
is the ANALOG
for ten days in the DESERT
there's a WAY
to do it RIGHT
ya gotta
LOOK at HOW you see the world
DIFFERENT*
*there's more to it but no essay tonight about the theories I have about comedy
I was talking to my therapist
BUT I don't think
I've told you THIS yet
I'm NOT super nervous
about the idea
going on stage
I've been on stage
NOT in the SAME way
the nutcracker
I wasn't important or anything
I was background
but I didn't care
I prayed the girl who played me in b cast would
get sick and I would have to do all the shows
STAND UP
you are alone on stage
BUT that doesn't
REALLY seem
all that different than having an
UNINTERESTED group at the TRAINING center
to monitor
HOLD and
direct INTEREST
BUT
the thing is
I don't think I'm all that worked up
I don't think I'm doing it
for the like VALIDATION
I don't THINK
feel the way about external validation
I THINK I'm STRANGE
and there is so much
I'm gonna learn about myself
WRITing it
AND
DOing it
