I PAINT
BUT
I recently reconnected with my estranged brother
we're looking at each other's Instagrams
as you do
my brother is a PAINTER in nyc
he's married to a performance artist
their CHILD
AJAX
& I'm not SURE
I guess HE is technically
a PIECE of
ART
his BIRTH ya know
it was LIKE a THING
with tickets
my brother has painted
LIKE
1500 paintings
of CUBES
since Christmas
I had this ONE little painting
SUMMER in Houston
UP on Instagram
it's a little ABSTRACT but
it DOES have someone
BURSTING into FLAMES
SO
TRUE to my LIVED experience
& he commented
DAD would be so PROUD
Mmmmmmmm
I don't know how to respond to him
AND I feel like
BAD that I haven't yet
BUT
we have different fathers
I MEAN
we DON'T
SAME MAN
BUT
I cannot even TRANSLATE
SO PROUD
into something that
MAKES SENSE
in the
CONTEXT
of me and MY dad
BECAUSE
the way I want to ANSWER
is
I don't want to hear some shit about PROUD
you can just f*CK RIGHT off with THAT
AND
as I'm saying it
OUT LOUD
I REALIZE
this MIGHT sound
LIKE
HARSH
& if you write it OUT
it LOOKS
SLIGHTLY PSYCHOTIC
BUT
I've been
EXPERIMENTING
with emojis as alternative
COMMUNICATION
AND
STAY with me here
I'm THINKING about
BUCKET emoji
MIGHT mean
Oh, making dad PROUD
that's MAJOR bucket list for me
OR
MIGHT mean
WOW the bullsh*t
you are just laying it on PRETTY THICK
MIGHT trigger
REMEMBER how paw paw
DROWNED at the beach*
*because it kinda looks like those beach sandcastle kit buckets
at least on ANDROID it does
TRANSLATION CRISIS
AVERTED
your move
ACE
