and that comedian
who it turns out
AGAIN
NOT because I talked to him
he KNEW Bill Hicks
& ALL those guys
SO
he's getting here the same time as me
which is just ya know
ten minutes early for sign in
which is seven thirty
SO
I went to pee
& there was written on the wall
MAY have been there before
BUT I'm NOTICING it NOW
COLD HEART
WARM P*SSY
& I'm like
I can't win that one
I thought about getting a drink
or food
or something
but
I was agitated and didn't want to
SO I was JUST like
GO put your name in the bucket
then worry about
that other stuff
I started climbing the stairs
& I literally just stopped
I have this way
that I FEEL
when something is
NOT good for me to do
LIKE a psychic/intuitive thing
& usually
it becomes clear LATER
WHY
AND I wasn't 💯 that that's what I felt
I MEAN maybe
I was just nervous and freaked out
& trying to tell myself
it wasn't just fear
BUT
I'm prepared to believe
that I am full of sh*t
FAKING premonition
BUT
I'm less about
being a b*tch to myself
so I went outside to regroup
NOW
where I come down NOW
is that
PERFORMING
that stuff
about jason & my dad
had SOME psychological
IMPACT
which does make SENSE
I just didn't think about it
or allow for it
AND
PROBABLY better
to FINISH
THAT
before adding on
idk
