quotidienne: coffee + toast 3:23

ok
so today
it's old skool toast with butter

i have to go outside today
not because i'm not enjoying being cooped up
but because my legs are starting to swell
i'm spending too much time sitting
gotta walk around
i was wondering if i should put on makeup
to which my first thought was wtf
but then i realized i need sun protection
so i'll probably compromise with mineral powder

last night i became obsessed with the idea that
i do not have enough tincture
the second round have not arrived
and rootgirl hasn't even shipped yet
but it's a specific herb i suddenly feel like i need
osha (bear root)
but i can't find anybody i trust
there are surprisingly few people with osha
which i thought was odd
until i found out that it's been over gathered
so then i'm not sure i should even be looking for it
but
i still feel a strong need for it
which might just be an obsessive thing

i texted about my check this morning
i, apparently, am not the only one without direct deposit
and they have a team of experts working on it

no briefings or new reports today so far
grateful for that

i've had weird dreams the last few nights
which is probably to be expected
but
i didn't
or
at least i expected them to be
idk more nightmare-ish

night before last
i dreamed that i was
trying to fill a box with popcorn
using just my hands
and the side of the box was bent
and not really functioning as a retaining wall
and your wife was watching me
making commentary about my lack of progress

not a nightmare
not upsetting
but not very fun either

last night
it was more complicated
i was at work and i had a bunch of stuff to do
but they weren't giving me any time to do it
and then
it changed
and it was this weird scene
where i wasn't me
and i was talking to a guy who kinda reminded me of uncle freaky
and there was this whole
like
mexican stand off quality to the scene

i think he was just back from prison or something
and
it turned out
he did a bunch of stupid shit because he thought
i was about to reject him
and he scared me away
because he did a bunch of stupid shit
and
we ended up laying on the ground
and he said
can we just pick back up where we were
and i said
i don't think so
but
maybe we can go from here
except
what i actually said was
maybe there's still hope for the moon

and then
i thought of you when i woke up

see
so not bad dreams
just weird and idk what they mean