dispatches to the void: 3:29 [edited]

i'm starting to see it now
it's not completely in focus
but, ya know, like with the puzzle and the edges
or something like that
pick your metaphor

a big giant clump of sunflowers
when i was a kid
sometimes we'd drive by a vacant lot
and there would be sunflowers
so big
towering over us
and we'd have to stop
because
even though that happened sometimes
it didn't happen all that often

now
now i can't remember the last time i saw
even one of those giant sunflowers
and i
i am going to live in a world
which is anchored by them

will they be off in one corner
will they be interspersed
i'm not sure yet
but
i do know there will be enough of them
to support life

sunflowers are weeds
they don't need special farmering to survive
and so they will be the rock upon which i build my foundation
sunflower sprouts
sunflower seed butter
antibiotics for the bees
maybe
maybe it's an earth sheltered house
and you come up out from the sunflowers
and you get some of that james and the giant peach action
idk
just
sunflowers

i don't see a big spread
it feels more like a big garden
someplace temperate
where you get a lot of growing season
produce the food
can it
dry it
freeze it
idk
but there's just a souciant
of prepper in there now

there are goats
but
i don't want to eat the goats
i am not a person who is willing to raise animals
just to kill them
or sell them to someone else who will kill them
so i may not be able to have a billy goat
i may have to just have female goats
and figure out how to breed them infrequently
because i cannot have a huge heard of goats

but
there are so many vegetable scraps
carrot tops
radish tops
that i will enjoy adding in to their diet
and
i will find nice chickens
while i feel insecure about my ability to grow food
i feel much more confident about my relationship with animals
can i handle
goats and chickens and bees
possibly not
maybe
i start with the bees
although
eggs and cheese
those seem like a good idea
but
i don't want to overwhelm myself

i can do more in my head
than i can irl
typically
i see it how i want it to be
but
there's always a learning curve

but
the sunflower flag is planted
that is the one great step
chimalxochitl
perhaps

no
xochicuicatl